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# Arcane Advice: Free BDSM Lessons from The Crow Academy

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## Posts
- [<em>(New Visitors Start Here)</em> Welcome to Arcane Advice – <br>Free Lessons on Dominance, Submission, and BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/welcome-message/welcome-message-from-master-arcane/): This FIRST LESSON is How To Use the Arcane Advice Website for the Best Possible Experience. This forever-free website is here to help anyone interested in crafting High-Quality, Loving D/s Relationships, and improve your understanding of the wonder and beauty of Dominance, Submission, and the BDSM Arts.
- [Damsel Theory: A Crow Academy Valentine’s Day Special](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/damsel-theory/): a Crow Academy Valentine's Day Special in free-form prose.
- [What is a Mind F*ck or Mind Game in BDSM?](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/what-is-a-mind-game-in-bdsm/): A Mind F*ck or Mind Games are a type of BDSM Play that relies mainly on playing with the Psychological headspace of the Submissive, and requires the playfully sadistic actions and words of the Dominant. The game is still well within all stated Limits, and fundamentally remains within the SSC or RACK of the couple's agreed upon Rules. An extended Mind Game takes more work from the Dom than say, a typical fun Role Play, but at the same time the Mind Game itself can become a delicious kind of extended foreplay. :)
- [Compliance vs Resistance from the Submissive<br>– How It Affects Everything](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/compliance-vs-resistance-from-the-submissive-how-it-affects-everything/): When it comes to any sort of “Skill” involved in Domination & Submission, most people envision the Dominant as the one Requiring Skill, at the very least to be able to use BDSM Toys safely, to Guide, and to Teach the Submissive. But as we at The Crow Academy have reiterated in numerous lessons, it “Takes Two To Tango,” and the D/s Dance requires participation and effort equally from both sides in their own unique ways. The goal of course is the smoothest flowing experience of Delicious Domination and Sensual Submission in a continuous manner whenever the two are “In Role,” whether merely for an evening’s encounter, for a few days when two people might be doing a “Collar-On” weekend, and of course to various extended degrees in an ongoing manner for longer, negotiated D/s Relationships.
- [What is a “BDSM Munch?”<br>– A Short Guide To Successfully Attending](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/what-is-a-munch/): WHAT IS A "MUNCH?"
- [High-Protocol Domination & Submission<br>– A Useful Definition & A Bit of History](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/high-protocol-domination-submission-a-definition/): In our Facebook group, "BDSM Answers by The Crow Academy," a fine gentleman asked "What is High Protocol Domination & Submission?"
- [Dealing With Someone Who Has Dom-Disease](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/dealing-with-someone-who-has-dom-disease/): In a previous lesson, “Dispelling Nonsense in the D/s Community,” I explained the problem known as “Dom-Disease.” In this lesson, I would like to share how I dealt with someone who had Dom-Disease as an example of how you can proceed if you ever encounter someone like this. If you are unfamiliar with Dom-Disease I highly recommend reading that lesson first.
- [The Serenity of Gifting-Away Personal Sovereignty](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/personalsovereignty/): Yes, you read the title correctly and it says “Gifting,” not “Giving.” This is because Personal Sovereignty, the right to live your life as you want, and to do with your own body as you will, is everything in the modern world. For centuries, and even millennia, people have fought and struggled to obtain Personal Sovereignty - the right to rule oneself - for themselves and for their loved ones.
- [Topping from the Bottom: Why it’s Bad and When it’s Good](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/topping-from-the-bottom-why-its-bad-and-when-its-good/): Many have heard the term, “Topping from the Bottom.” A variety of definitions have arisen in regards to this fairly straight-forward concept, but not all the definitions agree on When, Where, and How this term becomes an accurate description of what is occurring. Most people perceive this idea as completely negative, while others appear to find the idea palatable on very specific occasions, and with good reason. In this lesson we will explore the various definitions of “Topping from the Bottom,” and how - in fact - each definition contains a kernel of truth. It all depends on the context of what is happening to determine if the occurrence of “Topping from the Bottom” is positive or negative.
- [For New Dominants: “Are They a Submissive or a Slave?”](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/are-they-a-submissive-or-a-slave/): A novice Dominant posted this question, which reflects what we at The Crow Academy see as a gross misunderstanding of the meaning of these terms on a very deep level. The question was posed as though there was some “magic indicator” that would let a new Dominant flawlessly know this information upon first meeting a new submissive. We often see this misunderstanding crop up, so here is The Crow Academy assessment and guide to eventually answering the question, given Time and Patience.
- [How To Create Rules – A Primer For New Dominants](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/how-to-create-rules/): A new Dominant wrote to me asking, “How & Where Do I Start Creating Rules As A New Dominant?”
- [Why Basic D/s is The Best Foundation](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/why-basic-d-s-is-the-best-foundation/): Today’s Lesson: Why straight-forward, down-to-earth D/s makes for the best foundation in all cases of the many D/s variants.
- [Self-Esteem In The Slave…<br>Part 2 by slave Daphne – Building Self Esteem](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/building-self-esteem-by-slave-daphne/): Building healthy self-esteem is a subject that I feel is incredibly important, and it often comes up with our female clients. While I wrote with women in mind, I genuinely believe people of any gender can learn something from these successes.
- [The Problem of Self-Diagnosis Within Kink](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-problem-of-self-diagnosis-within-kink/): Many people want to find Meaning behind their Kink. Freud wrote volumes on the subject and never came up with a 100% well-rounded theory (but at least he got the ball rolling). I have personally attended gatherings of professionals where we analyzed a single set of fetish activities (specific kink practices) for MONTHS without attaining a 100% satisfactory conclusion as to their common origin or cause.
- [Successful High Heel Training – Crow Academy Style](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/successful-high-heel-training/): Certainly "High Heel Training" is a very real element of many Styles of D/s. At The Crow Academy we have taught numerous submissives who ere unfamiliar with walking - and even dancing - in high heels how to do so with excellent results. Whether you are the Submissive who wants to wear High Heels to please your Dominant, or you are the Dominant who wants to know how to teach your Submissive to wear and enjoy High Heels, the following lesson is how we "High Heel Train" at The Crow Academy….
- [The Monumental Importance of Honesty in BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-monumental-importance-of-honesty-in-bdsm/): We all know that COMMUNICATION is critical for a healthy and flourishing D/s Relationship. Amongst other things, this includes an Absolute PACT of Honesty.
- [Aftercare vs Sub-Drop:  Know The Difference](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/aftercare-vs-sub-drop-know-the-difference/): There seems to be some confusion regarding "What is Good Aftercare?" and how that relates to preventing "Sub-Drop." As many know, Aftercare is an essential part of BDSM play, but what are the causes & conditions of Sub-Drop? In this lesson we clarify the differences, as well as how they overlap. Equally you will learn about how the body naturally processes a BDSM experience, as well as individual factors that can prevent or contribute to Sub-Drop. With good communication and some sensible practices, Aftercare will become easy, and Sub-Drop can be avoided in many cases.
- [The Problematic Myth Of The “No Limits” Slave](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-myth-of-the-no-limits-slave/): To begin, lets discuss the origins of the modern (meaning last 50 years) "no limits slave" myth. Effectively, a variety of authors such as John Norman wrote fiction novels like the Gor series, wherein the submissives were described as having no limits... and also no rights... in these fictional universes. People into BDSM read these and similar novels and recommended them to others as a source of enjoyable, soft-core BDSM stories. Occasionally, someone quite deep and knowledgable about BDSM would read these stories and get a few fun ideas on how to incorporate elements into the Real World of BDSM. A stylistic choice, a new word for something, a physical position described in detail to add to their real-life repertoire. In the best of these cases the fictional element was put through the filter of Reality (i.e. what actually works in Real Life) and the result was a fun new addition to the Style of the Dominant and / or to the repertoire of the submissive.
- [Polyamory is Not For Everyone… and That’s Fine](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/polyamory-is-not-for-everyone-and-thats-fine/): In the last year I have read about more and more individuals who are being pushed into Polyamory when it is not in their nature. Let me make it clear that there is nothing wrong with Polyamory when BOTH people in a couple enjoy the idea. I have been in relationships of both kinds, Polyamorous and Monogamous, and I was well into adulthood when I realized I personally prefer monogamy and the building of the “super-team” ideal with a single, amazing, submissive partner. Nonetheless, within the BDSM world I know plenty of couples who are Polyamorous and very happy about it, and equally, I know plenty of couples who are Monogamous and very happy about it. The simple truth is that Polyamory is neither a requirement for D/s, nor universal for everyone, and that a bit of self-examination in this regard can go a long way in finding long-term D/s happiness.
- [What I Wish I Knew When I First Got Into BDSM – In 2 Parts](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/what-i-wish-i-knew/): Part 1: The Developing Dominant by Master Arcane Part 2: The Searching Submissive by slave Daphne I recently had an outside publisher ask me to write on the subject of “What do you wish you knew before becoming a Dominant, and why?” They also asked slave Daphne the same question as a Submissive.
- [The Nine Kinds of Submissive / Bottom / Slave](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-nine-kinds-of-submissive-bottom-slave/): This system was taught to me many moons ago. It was far simpler back then, and so I greatly modified it (with permission) as part of The Crow Academy curriculum. It is only meant to be a set of "Guidelines," and these are NOT hard and fast rules. Nonetheless, it can certainly be helpful to understand the differences in how a Submissive might classify themselves for their own self-perspective, and / or for the edification of any Dominant with whom they intend to interact.
- [Dispelling Nonsense in the D/s Community<br>– “Dom-Disease,” “One Twue Way,” “Brats,” and “Traditions”](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/dispelling-nonsense-in-the-bdsm-community/): When a newcomer enters the BDSM Community with sound knowledge they are setting off on a journey that is likely to be a profound adventure in their life, and hopefully an exciting one that they continue for many years. A set of basic, time-tested principles, a healthy set of personal ethics, and a positive attitude can go a very long way. Concurrently, an emphasis on knowing oneself and seeking what works for you personally is also key to establishing one's greatest joy within BDSM.
- [The Global History of BDSM Since 3000 B.C.](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-global-history-of-bdsm-since-3000-b-c/): This came across my desk the other day. I was immediately enthralled and impressed with the depth of research, of which 99% correlated with my own personal endeavors into the origins of BDSM (or at least early indications thereof). Understanding the History of BDSM is a wonderful path to comprehending how these carefully crafted BDSM and BDSM-Like practices have played a part in the very development of Civilization itself! No joke!
- [Healthy Corrections & Avoiding Corporal Punishment](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/healthy-corrections-that-avoid-corporal-punishment/): As this subject keeps coming up in letters I have received lately, I thought I would post this lesson here for anyone seeking a List Of Healthy Corrections that do NOT involve Corporal Punishment (aka CP). At The Crow Academy we do not use Corporal Punishment at all, instead saving the BDSM toys strictly for great BDSM scenes. It seems many newcomers to BDSM also want to avoid using BDSM Toys in this regard. For this purpose, I assembled this list of “Healthy Corrections” all of which are non-sexual, non-bdsm (non-CP), and genuinely aimed at positive change.
- [Irrational Jealousy in a D/s Relationship <br>by slave Daphne](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/irrational-jealousy-in-a-d-s-relationship-by-slave-daphne/): It is my pleasure to once again share the words and thoughts of my beloved slave Daphne, who grows every day in her ability to provide wonderful guidance for new submissives around the globe.
- [Time To Rest Easy About Your Love Of BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/resting-easy-about-your-bdsm/): We often hear about Kinky Celebrities who are “out” about their kinky practices. Some are quite bold about the fact, while others hint at their participation. The subject of “being outed” is still a hot-button topic for many people who rightly feel that, other than yourself, no other person should ever inform anyone else about your BDSM proclivities. Well, I am here to tell you the Good News that you really can be a LOT more relaxed about your BDSM and your kinky nature. Let me explain why.
- [Sacred Masculine & Sacred Feminine – <br>Embracing Tantra in BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/sacred-masculine-sacred-feminine-embracing-tantra-in-bdsm/): The terms “Sacred Masculine and Sacred Feminine” refer to ancient concepts that have been reflected throughout the last 6000 years around the globe amongst philosophies that sought a balance of the sexes rather than perpetuate a patriarchy or matriarchy. This cross-cultural concept simply desires respect for each gender in equal amounts. It does NOT, as we use it here, suggest that anyone of ANY gender is somehow entirely one or the other. Think of it more as “an ingredient” that anyone can enjoy, contemplate, or experience as much or as little as they want, in any amount that suits them, and in any gender combination.
- [Gender Roles in BDSM – A Garden of Self Exploration](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/gender-roles-in-bdsm-a-garden-of-self-exploration/): I had an intriguing discussion recently with a highly educated woman who wanted my opinion on how sex roles and gender roles were better or worse off within the Global BDSM Scene. In my honest opinion, the BDSM Scene is a GREAT place to explore gender roles as well as explore the more traditional roles of masculine and feminine energies. In fact, in a previous lesson here on Arcane Advice I even described how the BDSM World can be downright Tantric if one wishes to approach it from that angle.
- [Modern Feminism and The Male Dominant – <br>Perfectly Happy Bedfellows](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/modern-feminism-and-the-male-dominant-perfectly-happy-bedfellows/): I recently had an interesting discussion with a gentleman who felt that his practice of BDSM was somehow intertwined with his mainstream religion, and used his beliefs to conclude that Male Dominance was somehow “the right of every man” both in the Kink world as well as in the Vanilla world. To put it very directly, we here at The Crow Academy do NOT agree. The role a Man or Woman chooses in the Fetish Wonderland of BDSM has no bearing on what they do with their Vanilla, everyday life, and certainly not all men will make a Good Fetish Dominant.
- [No, The Submissive Does NOT Have “All The Power” – <br>Restoring Balance to the D/s Dance](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/no-the-submissive-does-not-have-all-the-power/): The result was a false promise and unobtainable, monochromatic vision that became perpetuated in the name of convincing others. The only real achievement of this myth was to set the stage for one failed D/s and BDSM encounter after another, having created a false foundation incapable of supporting any kind of meaningful, ongoing BDSM interaction, let alone support any kind of sustainable D/s Relationship. You still hear this nonsense, so rather than just advise you to simply not take it seriously, or suggest taking it with a large grain of salt, in this lesson I am going to fully dissect this catch phrase, expose the destructive underbelly of this myth, and set the record straight to get everyone set onto a MUCH healthier and more sustainable path of Mutual Respect.
- [Daily Maintenance for a Healthy D/s Relationship & <br>The Submissive’s Progress](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/maintaining-daily-d-s-the-submissives-progress/): In each area I give specific examples to help show how The Crow Academy Style of D/s addresses all of these. My goal is to provide positive, foundational ideas for any new Dominant to get into some Good Daily Maintenance Habits in regards to keeping the D/s Garden healthy for both people and developing in a strong direction together.
- [50 Shades Dissected – Why 50 Shades is NOT a Guide to BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/why-50-shades-is-not-a-guide-to-bdsm/): I am posting this lesson because I still occasionally get people asking either "Why is 50 Shades of Grey such a horrible model for BDSM?" or "Is Christian Grey a good Dom?" or "Should I do what they do in 50 Shades?"
- [A Love Letter From Slave Daphne to Her Collar](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/a-love-letter-from-slave-daphne-to-her-collar/): (in slave Daphne's own words, unedited)
- [Dressing Fetish On A Budget](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/dressing-fetish-on-a-budget/): One the coolest things about Kinky Clubs and Fetish Events is when they have a Dress Code (not all do - you find these more on the East Coast of the USA and in Europe). At these kinds of clubs, rather than watch everyone filter in and do their thing in a relatively normal-looking crowd, instead you get wall-to-wall Eye Candy.
- [Buying Your First Flogger – A Guide for Beginners](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/buying-your-first-flogger-a-guide-for-beginners/): "BDSM Toy Shopping Tip: Buying A Flogger for BEGINNERS." The advice I give below is based on decades of using and buying floggers as well as what I personally teach clients. At the end of the lesson you will find several links to help you buy a quality flogger if you are just starting to desire a good flogger in your BDSM Toy inventory.
- [Can You Be Addicted to BDSM?](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/can-you-be-addicted-to-bdsm/): A sorrowful submissive wrote to me to tell me that she had inadvertently been “outed” about her BDSM participation, and that certain people in her daily life had accidentally heard about her appreciation and enjoyment of BDSM. Unfortunately, these distinctly vanilla and misinformed people decided to take the incredibly backwards...
- [Ethical Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)<br>– A Healthy Definition for Domination & Submission](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/consensual-non-consent-a-healthy-definition/): A highly devoted submissive in a healthy D/s Relationship asked one of the most fundamental questions about a subject that hardly ever gets shown in a proper light. That subject? Consensual Non-Consent (or commonly "CNC" for short). Vast are the number of misperceptions and misunderstandings about CNC, alongside occasional skepticism as to whether or not Healthy CNC even exists (The Short Answer --> It Does Exist).
- [The Many Ways to Serve Your Dominant](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-many-ways-to-serve-your-dominant/): A female submissive associate of mine wrote asking me if I could describe a few ways a submissive or slave can serve her Dominant. Rather than give literal examples as my reply, I ventured into describing the Essence of what it means to Serve, and extended that into an understanding of how to Create Your Own Best Ways to Serve your Dom. I touched upon a variety of key areas to consider, fundamental methods by which any submissive can find ways to serve any Dom. Above all, I emphasized that discovering new ways to Serve your Dom can be a distinctly fun and creative process.
- [Strong Woman, Strong Slave (written by slave Daphne)](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/strong-woman-strong-slave-written-by-slave-daphne/): An excited new submissive wrote to me after watching my YouTube videos (YouTube search terms “Master Arcane Crow”) with her Dom. She was very happy to find out that there were so many others out there who felt the same as she did, but wanted to know if my slave, Daphne, ever had trouble balancing her strongly independent, sometimes tom-boyish nature with her own passionate experience of submission to me. More than anything else, this new submissive wanted to know if it was possible to be both strong as a person and strong as a woman while also being strong as a slave. I was more than happy to tell her the answer was a resounding Yes. To even further make the point I elected to have slave Daphne herself write back to the new submissive explaining exactly how Daphne creates a wonderful balance in her own life, mixing personal-best as my slave alongside personal strength in her own womanhood. I hope you enjoy this special edition of Arcane Advice.
- [Maintaining D/s Feelings at Your Job](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/maintaining-ds-feelings-at-your-job/): I received a most interesting letter from an officer of the law in a foreign country who had huge responsibilities around the clock including emergency response. In his private life he was an owned fetish-submissive to another officer, and he was asking me how to balance the two worlds - one world of tremendous responsibility and a crystal clear desire to be very good at his career, and the other world of deeply passionate submission to his Dominant partner. He perceived a conflict in these two worlds and asked my help in balancing his career and their D/s desires.
- [The Dominant Phoenix – Growing Stronger From Your Mistakes](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-dominant-phoenix-growing-stronger-from-your-failure/): An earnest Dominant wrote to me describing a Master / slave relationship which had failed. He wanted to know what he could look at to see what went wrong, and how he could discern if it was his own fault for not being able to lead properly. Equally he wondered if the sub was someone who, despite claims of wanting to submit, was actually someone who refused to genuinely give up control in ways that ultimately became a barrier to building and maintaining a successful, ongoing D/s interaction.
- [Focusing On The Best vs The Fallacy of “Breaking” a Slave](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/breaking-a-slave-ptsd-and-focusing-on-the-best/): A very sincere submissive wrote to me recently about reconnecting with a former Dom with whom there had been a problematic parting of ways in the past. Amongst the issues that had come up previously were areas connected to the submissive’s PTSD and Face Slapping (a common kinky practice and turn-on for many). Trust had apparently been broken, always a big issue. Nonetheless she began to talk with him again, and while he seemed like he had grown and matured himself, he was also describing wanting to venture back into territory that made her nervous about reconnecting with him.
- [Can a Fine Dom Be Made or Only Born As One? <br>Part 2 – Not Everyone Is a Dom](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/not-everyone-is-a-dom/): I was recently involved in a conversation further discussing whether a Dominant can be “made,” or whether they are they born into it. As you read in “Can a Dom be Made - Part 1” my perspective has evolved over the years into an understanding that YES, under the right circumstances a Dom CAN be made. However, in the recent conversation someone suggested a very “politically correct” standpoint wherein they stated that, “anyone is a Dom if they call themselves a Dom.” Are you laughing yet?
- [SAFE-WORDS, and why they are CRITICAL for Healthy BDSM](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/safe-words-are-critical-for-bdsm/): At The Crow Academy we teach all levels of BDSM Play. From how to use the softest fur to the most intense cane, from floggers made of deer suede through thick buffalo hide, from a gentle spanking.... through knife play.... all the way to Fireplay, and pretty much everything in between. We teach about the thousand elements that can come into play for a fine BDSM scene, and how the process of creating a “perfect” scene is an alchemical - and unique - experience every time.
- [Required Reading For My Slave, and Why](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/required-reading-for-my-slave-and-why/): Oftentimes a Master must consider what is the next course of study for his slave. A Fine Master will seek to design the next course such that his slave will feel uplifted by his instructions, guided by his hand, and have a clearly perceivable pathway to improve herself in some way that will both please The Master as well as improve her own life.  To this end, a Fine Master will have at his disposal a wide variety of possibilities, from the world of the physical like exercise, to the world of the spiritual like meditation or gardening, to the world of the practical like becoming a better driver or learning a vocational skill, to the world of the intellectual like puzzle solving, learning a language, or reading a certain book.
- [Can a Fine Dom Be Made or Only Born As One? <br>Part 1 – Evolving Into Excellence](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/evolving-into-excellence/): I was participating in a group discussion recently and someone asked an age-old question about Doms and a person’s Dominant Nature. The question is always the same, effectively the Nature vs Nurture question regarding Domination. Can a Dom be “Made” or is it something intrinsic to an individual, a part of their Nature? For years I have watched this debate go back and forth. I have even revised my own perspective on the answer as my own experience has grown. Although I personally started out VERY young expressing Dominant tendencies, thus landing on the “Nature” side of the coin, I have come to see again and again that a Well-Meaning individual who has even an inkling of Dominance inside them can certainly grow into becoming a Very Fine Dom given the right guidance, as I detail in my answer below.
- [The Difference Between a Dominant and a Master](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-difference-between-a-dominant-and-a-master/): Someone was asking, "What defines a Master, and how is that different from a Domme?"
- [Expanding Your Intimacy Within D/s – <br>It’s Not Always About Constant Kink](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-many-forms-of-intimacy/): I received an intriguing letter from a submissive whose Dominant felt they had “failed” when the sub asked the Dom if they could have Vanilla sex. Her intention was simple: Aside from all the wonderful BDSM sex and Bondage sex and D/s that occurred within these sexual experiences, she simply wanted to Make Love.
- [The Hard Limits Of The Dominant – Part 2 of 2](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-hard-limits-of-the-dominant-part-2-of-2/): PART 2: A further exploration of Misperceptions that can lead to the Submissive violating the Dominant’s Hard Limits.
- [The Hard Limits Of The Dominant – Part 1 of 2](https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/the-hard-limits-of-the-dominant-part-1-of-2/): Recently, I responded to a letter someone wrote trying to delineate when and / or if it is ever proper for a Dominant or Master to take on a "My Way or the Highway" attitude.  Shouldn't every situation be endlessly negotiable? The answer is a Hard NO, but it is important to understand WHY.

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