I received a wonderful letter from an earnest new Dominant who learned about The Crow Academy through our YouTube Channel (Master Arcane) and who had a variety of great questions regarding Daily Maintenance for a Healthy D/s Relationship. He and his submissive wanted to learn how to create a positive curriculum to continuously build and nurture their D/s together.
The four key areas I addressed were:
In each area I give specific examples to help show how The Crow Academy Style of D/s addresses all of these. My goal is to provide positive, foundational ideas for any new Dominant to get into some Good Daily Maintenance Habits in regards to keeping the D/s Garden healthy for both people and developing in a strong direction together.
Enjoy.
Q1: Do you keep track of your submissive’s progress as a person and as a submissive?
Q2: Do you have your submissive keep a journal?
YES!!! The Slave Journal, or Fetish Journal as some call it, is a great tradition. In the digital age it often shows up as a Microsoft Word or Text Edit file as I am sure you can imagine. Back in the day I had my slaves keep a Hand Written journal if they had any sort of good penmanship, and to this day Daphne has a beautiful leather-bound, blank-page book she uses for her Fetish Journal. As we are traveling she did not bring it with her, so I allow her to keep a digital journal on her iPad instead.
The Fetish Journal is never to be underestimated! I have lost count of how many times I will be reading my slave’s journal with her there, and 9 pages will be like, “oh yes that happened…. uh huh and that…. and yes there is that event….. that incident…..” and then suddenly I turn the page and on that 10th…11th….page there is One Sentence that opens up WORLDS of new understanding and insight into my beloved slave. Whole conversations will ensue just because of that one lone point that she either did not feel comfortable saying out loud, or else it just skipped her mind until she wrote it down. MAGIC.
I am always very careful to tell a submissive, “The Fetish Journal is for fetish and kink related thoughts ONLY. If you want to keep a journal of your normal daily life then that needs to be a separate book. In the fetish journal you are permitted to write about Anything BDSM, D/s, or Kink-Related, like: U/us, Kinky items and activities, Fetish clothes or shows where you spotted a bdsm element, kinky thoughts and fantasies, keep track of your progress and achievements as my slave, take notes on assignments I give you and / or complete them in the journal in writing (e.g. essays I assign her), etc. You are NOT allowed to put grocery lists in the fetish journal, nor jot down notes / ideas / plans that have absolutely nothing to do with kink / BDSM. The dividing line is as follows: If you want to write down a plain grocery list then NO it does not go in the Fetish Journal; HOWEVER, if that grocery list has Buy New Riding Crop or Get Master His Favorite Coffee (e.g. an act of Service in D/s), or Wipe Down the Mirrors in the Dungeon…. then it IS allowed in the Fetish Journal.” 🙂
I recommend that every 3-6 weeks you both sit together and the Dominant reads everything written since the last sitting, discussing those “A-ha!” points as they come up. Sooooo much insight to be gained. 🙂
As a final note – it is one of our jobs as Masters / Owners (in addition to just the basic Responsibility as a Dominant) to always keep track of the submissive’s progress. As I like to put it, 10% of my mind is ALWAYS thinking about my slave, her well-being, her current path and curriculum, etc, even when I am fully involved in other work or my career. And for the record I instruct my submissive that I expect 10% (or more) of her mind to always be thinking about Good Service to Master, diligence in her duties to me, etc, even when she is out and about doing unrelated activities, or at her own job, etc. Putting 10% of one’s daily thought on each other is both easy and reasonable, and is absolutely a “nutrient” for maintaining the health of your Romantic D/s Garden. 🙂
Q3: How often do you interact with each other in a full BDSM scene?
Q4: Is at least 1-2 times a week a good amount if we make it a quality scene?
1-2 times a week in a quality scene sounds like a fantastic rhythm. Not every scene will be Super-Duper-Amazing. But the attitude to always have as good a scene as you can is a smart way to proceed. 🙂
My slave and I personally have a huge variety in the timing of our play schedule. Since we are traveling at the moment of course we have to couch our play into whatever environment is available. When home we fit regular play nights into our busy schedule (and often enough quite spontaneously), and about once a month we set aside a very long night of play with extra-deep immersion and make it a wildly kinky & romantic night, almost like a monthly “super-kinky holiday weekend” at home. These very long nights of play are also the best nights for long, extended Role-Play scenes as well. We also take occasional intentionally-kinky excursions and small vacations by car where we will bring several bags of toys with the key intention to have some great scenes while on that small getaway. For example a weekend in a log-cabin lodge up in the local National Park… quiet, dramatic, and with a nice all-wood 4-poster bed…. 😉
Q5: With your professional life and career do you find that you must set aside time to be active in your D/s, or do the protocols & rituals add that underlying sense of D/s throughout the day?
For play, its as described above. As for Daily Protocol and Etiquette, we live in a 24/7 Master-slave Relationship. There is no “off state.” Even when having dinner with parents, etc, we are merely in “Drop Role” state which means no external expressions of D/s when the Vanilla relatives are present…. but we are STILL 100% Master and slave even then. At a dinner party for example, when we are in Drop Role I can still whisper into her ear a certain command and she will obey as appropriate. Overtly during DropRole I can openly ask her with all due “vanilla” politeness to perform some reasonable task or get me a certain item and I know that request will be fulfilled promptly. People (vanillas) observing will only see “how well coordinated that couple seems to be” and are usually pleased to see that without the slightest idea of the D/s behind it all.
However during Drop Role she does not call me “Master” out loud nor ask aloud certain specifically kinky requests, and this is permitted ONLY during the Drop Role state. As soon as we leave the Drop Role environment (e.g. return to our normal daily 24/7 D/s upon leaving the parent’s home) she is expected to perform in accordance with her training, with whatever protocols are active or have been assigned, and maintain all current micro-rituals as appropriate.
FYI, if you have my book, “Igniting The Fire: The Art of Romantic Submission,” I have a Whole Section on this exact subject called the “Six Levels Of Being In Role.” That chapter goes into FAR greater detail than I have written here. 🙂
Q6: Would you say there are layers to our submissives and more is revealed over time?
Q7: Any thoughts on ensuring that the progression is fun, dynamic, mysterious and interesting?
The answer is a resounding YES. But this is also a condition of all people everywhere, and all relationships. A given submissive will evolve and express themselves in a manifestation of greater levels of submission when in an environment where it is safe to do so (e.g. in the privacy of your own home, or out and about in subtle ways when you are together, etc). You will assign new tasks and protocols, and she will absorb the new item as best as she can. ALL SUBMISSIVES have areas in which they will excel – like talents that they already have – and all will have areas where they are not so good. In some cases they will be able to learn a new skill set and overcome any difficulties, while in other areas they might just never get very good at the task. It is the Dominant’s job to note when this is happening (it is generally NOT immediately apparent but rather shows up with time and repetition) and adjust the demands on the slave to fulfill the General Rule that you should always bias tasks assigned so that there is almost always a 51% chance or greater that the slave will succeed in the task.
One of the free Worksheets in the forthcoming Members Lounge on CrowAcademy.com will detail the “19 Kinds of Training.” That Worksheet was created to give submissives some leeway to focus on areas in which they think they can Serve the Dominant at their best. In some cases – for example High Protocol Training – almost all submissives might do well in that area as it just takes practice and repetition. In other areas – for example Gardener or Chauffeur – a given submissive might excel at one and be terrible at the other. I had two submissives at one time, and one of them was an amazing driver – she loved to drive (I have never felt driving myself to be any great joy) so I let her do all the driving when we were together. Conversely she was terrible at Gardening, so I had her keep her hands nice and clean and free from dirt (read: Stay away from my flowers! LOL). 😉 On the exact flip side, at the same time I had a slave who truly had a Green Thumb – if she planted it then it was going to become a bright and beautiful plant. However this same Green Thumb slave was an AWFUL driver – I never felt safe when she was behind the wheel – so I never had her Chauffeur me. 🙂
These give you an idea of the many things you will discover about your submissive over time. Soft Limits will get addressed and new kinks will show up. As long as the lines of communication are healthy, she might even suggest kinky activities you had not thought about. After every scene you de-brief and talk about the scene afterwards, and you both learn what did not work & what worked best, what could maybe be avoided & what you definitely want to repeat. Her submissive soul will continue to blossom and you will simultaneously develop as a Fine Dominant as well. 🙂
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