Humiliation and Edge Play…

A friend of mine, one of the most sincere female slaves I know, asked me about my take on pain, humiliation and edge play. She wanted to know more about these areas, and also know if a submissive can be “broken into” these levels of play.

Enjoy.

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My take on Pain, Humiliation, and Edge Play.

First of all pain is a subjective experience. One person’s pain is another person’s pleasure, yet no one really wants to stub their toe. Know what I mean?

Pain to me equates to “maximized skin stimulation” when we are describing BDSM. An individual’s threshold of where that maximum is located is absolutely idiosyncratic and unique to that person. In addition a person’s threshold between pleasure and pain can change under different circumstance a bit in either direction, higher or lower.

Humiliation on the other hand is a very particular kind of tool, a specialized kind of toy, for much more Psychological BDSM games. My personal experience with humiliation play is that very few submissive women are as deeply into it as submissive men. I have met the male slaves of a variety of Domina friends of mine who LOVED being humiliated – I mean they SERIOUSLY get off on it! The more deeply they were humiliated the more they were happy as clams!

Conversely, I have met very, very few female submissives who feel the same way, though I will acknowledge that I have met a few. For this reason I approach Humiliation Play VERY CAREFULLY. I have met a variety of female submissives who would MUCH rather feel the sting of the nastiest whip or crop, etc, rather than be humiliated, even knowing that it is just play.

Thus the first distinction we need to make between Pain and Humiliation is between Physical BDSM “pain” – i.e. fun PHYSICAL stimulation in the BDSM world – and the Mental-Psychological pain of humiliation which might not be fun at all unless submissive is “wired” to enjoy it.

There are different levels of Humiliation Play, from very light to profoundly “cutting” on appearance. A light example could be asking a slave to imitate a creature, say act like a dog, before her peers. For one slave this is nothing hard at all, yet for another she feel tremendous anxiety about being judged by her peers on so simple an act. Deeper levels of humiliation play often tap into the ROLE PLAY of being “worthless” – i.e. In an Interrogation Role Play and what the Interrogator might say to a Captured Spy in that sort of game.

Keep in mind that Humiliation Play is just that: PLAY, and a Game. Intentionally harming the psyche of a submissive is a major RED FLAG on any such pseudo-dom. No sane Dom is going to actually make their slave feel any sort of genuine worthlessness – that goes strongly against my personal beliefs that a Fine Dom’s responsibility is to help the slave SHINE.

Consider the world of Animal Play – one of the most fun fetishes I have personally enjoyed with a slave (aka Owner and Pet). Almost all forms of humiliation involve a level of Depersonalization, i.e. being turned into “less than a whole person,” as that is the root of the humiliating process — that you appear “less than” or lower than others. In the above example, the slave who was asked to imitate a random creature gets genuinely uncomfortable and embarrassed in front of her peers… she is Humiliated. Yet for a slave who loves becoming a Pet for example, a kitty-kat or a puppy or a pony, the experience might in fact be massively Liberating and not humiliating in the slightest. I have watched a slave of my own become So Fulfilled by the experience of going into her cage while in kitty-kat / “Animal Mode” and into the role of becoming my beloved “pet,” that it brought tears of true happiness to her eyes on more than one occasion. Humiliation? Certainly not to her.
Yet to another slave the same act – becoming a puppy for example – might be just the right amount of humiliation, just a teensy bit as she walks around on all-fours. This slave finds it titillating, a nervousness that she can transform into adrenalin, and so this level of humiliation appeals to her desires to be “somewhat” humiliated.

The trick when playing with Humiliation Games is for the Dom to ascertain exactly where the “fun” side of humiliation begins to cross over into what can rapidly become a very uncomfortable experience for the slave…. or even traumatic. If you are a submissive new to humiliation play but curious, my advice would be to explore lightly. What roles of “less than / lower than” do you think you might enjoy? What do you feel would be taking it too far? Since you are already submissive we do not include that, and technically being a slave or submissive is meant to be an exalted position, not a cut down or lessening of who you are in any fashion.

So what roles might you explore in tasting humiliation? What complimentary roles might your Dom be good at? Owner and pet is usually a good start, with just a few light games. Maybe one night you can go into your animal role (with pre-established rules and signals for the game) and your Dom can have you eat from an animal bowl without your hands. Watch carefully how you react — do you enjoy it? Does it seem uncomfortable? If its all good then next time you can take it a bit deeper. If you find you cannot get enough then you can take it a lot deeper. The most important thing is not how deep you go, but for the Dom to be vigilant to levels of humiliation play that may exceed your limits and know when to pull back / lighten the game. For most female submissives I have met who expressed a desire to explore humiliation, a little bit of humiliation is usually enjoyable, a lot of humiliation is enjoyed by only a few, and for a submissive with any kind of serious self-esteem issues humiliation play can be downright contra-indicated (i.e. a big no-no).

Now you also spoke about Edge Play, a whole world unto itself, and Humiliation Play CAN be a form of Edge Play. The name itself, Edge Play, comes from the fact that you are playing on the very edges of what you can tolerate Physically, Mentally, or EMOTIONALLY. I capitalized the last one to drive the point home that humiliation is mostly an emotional experience….. this could lead to feeling terrible, great, dorky, ecstatic, bouncy, depressed, liberated, or even having an emotional orgasm (don’t worry – you’ll know when you have one). Humiliation blends into edge play when your Dominant – who had better be SKILLED at this before he takes you there – takes you into a scene that strongly appears to be “tearing you down.” It could take the form of an interrogation scene but it does not necessarily have to be such.

The big question to ask yourself before you go into that Edge territory, that level of play is:
Are You Ready For That Level Of Intensity?
Another way to put it is: Do you honestly desire to be Deconstructed?
There are many ways to get to that level within Edge Play if the answer is yes. Again, you do NOT go there unless your Dom knows what he is doing and has the skill to not only deconstruct you, but to also Put You Back Together Again… and only if YOU feel that you are ready to go there and back. When done right it can be one of the most amazing experiences you will ever have under the hand of your loving Dominant / Master.
HOWEVER, if the answer is no, then it is a very good idea to steer clear of that kind of play and stick with lighter forms of humiliation games that are far away from that edge.

In the in-between levels of Humiliation Games you will find smaller practices such as face slapping, boot licking and similar foot worship, and an assortment of activities that the general populace, and thus your own super-ego (the collective “voice” of all peers, leaders, and teachers of your past that give you that sense of “what is right by society’s standards”) and concurrent sense of shame, would ordinarily find degrading. If you are asked to clean a pair of boots with your tongue and you find the practice to feel silly or innocuous, like “so what is this supposed to be about?” then it is not at your level of qualifying as humiliation. If on the other hand you find yourself massively turned on by the activity because it makes you feel “dirty” in a seriously hot way, then that might be just your perfect level of humiliation play. Equally, if the same activity makes you feel really bad and you don’t enjoy anything about it, then it is too humiliating for you and past your limits.

Like any other activity in BDSM, your limits with the “toy / tool” of humiliation can change under different circumstances and repeated exposure. However, unlike a flogger where going a more intensely than “just pleasurable” can actually feel great later on, with humiliation play I do not recommend spending very much time at all past your limits DURING the game. Humiliation limits tend to increase in the aftermath, as the enjoyability of the previous experience gets absorbed. That later-on positive appraisal is more likely to spark genuine curiosity and desire to take it a little farther next time.

I interpreted your question to be asking specifically about Edge Play within Pain and Humiliation. The world of Edge Play is VAST and can also include a wide variety of other areas – pretty much anything that pushes you to an Edge within yourself, be that forms of bondage, certain BDSM toys, extreme role playing, and much more. ALL Edge Play is to be considered ADVANCED PLAY for Experienced Dominants – this is definitely NOT the realm of beginners and amateurs.

Consider this:
We all need to play within the credo of Safe, Sane, and Consensual (including the consensual non-consent of a contracted slave). Edge Players STILL play within this credo by way of enacting EVEN GREATER Safety Parameters than usual in the genre of the chosen Edge game, be it mental, physical or emotional.
Quick example: I had a slave who expressed a desire to be taken on a very realistic kidnapping experience to me several times. So one night, with a little bit of acting on my part, I actually made her believe she was being kidnapped. It may sound simplistic, but let me tell you that the parameters needed to make it “Real” were such that I spent WEEKS getting everything in order (it is not uncommon for a really good Edge Game to take that kind of preparation, thought not always). Her desire was about the Fear that she wanted to experience and the Adrenalin Rush (not to mention the unusual psychological esteem gained from such a game by being “worthy of being kidnapped” – I’ll save that topic for another time). All she experienced was the apparent reality of being kidnapped – yet for my part I had no less than HALF A DOZEN unseen “participants” who played one role or another to ABSOLUTELY INSURE HER SAFETY, as well as my own, in the realization of this fantasy of hers. Yep, it took That Level of Conscientiousness to SAFELY bring this kind of Edge game to life. With those unseen participants in place (she never knew about any of them and so the illusion of her kidnapping was absolute) the fantasy and the game played out flawlessly.
THAT is the level of Attention To Detail a Dominant requires for Edge Play.
THAT is why Edge Play is considered Advanced – you need to learn through milder play what concerns can arise, and practice safety under milder conditions first and to become good at it.

Back to your question regarding Pain and Edge Play – that can be as simple as finding what it takes to ALMOST make you “safe-word” using traditional BDSM toys – whips, crops, floggers, etc. I would build up slowly of course, and once the slave is warmed up then yes, you certainly can begin to explore to the far reaches of where the slave’s “Maximized Skin Sensation” threshold lays. ALWAYS start lightly and warm up if its a new experience. With your Dom who knows you and your thresholds well, then you can more easily explore farther outwards.
Consider that the Goal of this form of Highly Physical Edge Play is a Purely Chemical and Cathartic Experience. In other words, when you are approaching your absolute limits of physical sensation, your body is going to be cranked on Endorphins, the natural opiates of your body. You may – and probably will – feel buzzed out of your skull afterwards, and your Dom is going to have to be attending to you as you come down. It is not uncommon for a slave coming back from such a scene to be practically unable to take care of themselves – they are about as Naturally Stoned as a person can get on Endorphins!

Equally, a scene like that can very easily bring up old, sticky emotions and allow them to finally RELEASE in a kind of cathartic venting that can be profound. When I know I am going to take a slave on such a journey, I will often apply an extra-silencing and mouth-filling gag and then inform the slave that she is invited to vent as loudly as she wants to – that knowledge alone can allow the slave to GIVE HERSELF Permission to really just “Let It Out.” Such a cathartic release can be so rare for the average submissive that, under the hand of a nurturing and experienced Dominant who builds to that level slowly and conscientiously, she may well experience that “emotional orgasm” I was speaking about earlier – a sense that waves of emotions are washing through her and pouring right out of her.

Of course not all slaves or submissives vocalize like this, and for some the cathartic release may well be as silent as an effortless breath of air. I had one submissive who was exactly like this – she needed to be taken slowly to her Edge by the specific tool of extremely heavy flogging that would build to a peak, and then back off, and then build again. She would tense up more and more until suddenly – and VERY clearly – she would exhale and her whole body would go limp with relaxation. This cycle would repeat again and again, and each time – in perfect silence – she would have an even greater release of all manner of stress and tension in her life. It was an unusual pattern, and simply how she was “wired,” but nonetheless on every occasion she would come away from such a scene feeling completely cleansed, or even reborn.
Reports of this kind of cathartic release are actually plentiful amongst experienced people within the BDSM world. 🙂

Lastly, can a girl be “broken in” to this level of play?
A VERY good question.
My personal experience says that some people are wired for Edge Play and some people are not, exactly as I described in how different submissives will react differently to humiliation play. If a Dom or sub is adamant about having Edge Play in their lives then they are going to have to find a complementary person who can run the opposite side of that level of Advanced Play. Is there a grey-zone? I would say yes there is. I have seen submissives who had moderate thresholds eventually desire to play on far more intense levels. The easiest example of this would be a newbie who loves being tied up, and who eventually gets into very extreme bondage because the restraint feels so good to them. Also, as mentioned there are MANY kinds of Edge Play, so just because someone has a very low physical threshold it does not mean they won’t find themselves completely enjoying humiliation play or other psychological games, and vice-versa in that just because someone can take the heaviest BDSM toys imaginable does not mean they will be even slightly ok with any game that even remotely appears to lower their self-esteem, no matter how fictitious the context.

It really comes down to the individual submissive (given that the skill level of the Dominant is appropriately advanced). There are certain BDSM practices that almost all submissives love – bondage, blindfolds, and spanking for example – and from there other BDSM games and practices that are more idiosyncratic can vary widely. If a sub or slave is into a wide range of activities and the Dom and the sub know that the sub enjoys many kinds of play, then it is a little more likely she will enjoy at least some kind of Edge Play too.

The answer is to experiment with an Experienced Dom. You both need to be A-OK to say, “nope, I don’t think we should go any further in that particular genre of Edge Play – lets try something else.” If things work out then you just may attain a whole new level of play.

I will close on this final note:
As I described in the kidnapping scene I arranged, it took weeks of planning. Equally, the surprise factor was a MAJOR part of the experience for my sub. As such, the same scene plainly and simply could never be repeated with that same submissive, because there would be no surprise. This is not a bad thing at all, as it means the Dominant must be creative and think of new games – something that is a piece of cake for an experienced Edge Playing Dom. However, the main lesson here is that Edge Play is like THE FINE WINE of Hardcore BDSM. It takes forethought, it takes planning, it takes great attention to detail, and it takes an almost yogic level of focus from the Dom. As such, it is not a wine that one drinks everyday… or even every week. If you DO adventure into the world of Edge Play remember to treat those scenes as the special moments that they are, and respect the time and energy your Dom puts into such a scene. There will be a SIGNIFICANT AFTERGLOW from such an Edge Game when well played out – enjoy that afterglow together for as long as it lasts while you return to your more everyday BDSM Lifestyle and Play. 🙂

All the best,
— Arcane