A Mind F*ck or Mind Games are a type of BDSM Play that relies mainly on playing with the Psychological headspace of the Submissive, and requires the playfully sadistic actions and words of the Dominant. The game is still well within all stated Limits, and fundamentally remains within the SSC or RACK of the couple’s agreed upon Rules. An extended Mind Game takes more work from the Dom than say, a typical fun Role Play, but at the same time the Mind Game itself can become a delicious kind of extended foreplay. 🙂
The goal of a Mind Game is to get the Submissive to perceive something that is not actually happening. This can include a sense of danger that is not really there, the sense of other people present when there are no others there, other forms of perceived peril on the part of the Submissive when the situation is actually perfectly safe, and more. It’s all about making the Submissive believe something is happening that is actually not happening. Depending on the specific game itself, this can be easy or complicated.
The Dominant creating the Mind Game becomes the creator of an ILLUSION of peril / danger / others present, etc. Peril can include any sort of illusion that something dubious is happening, but the main point is that it IS an illusion, and that all-the-while the submissive is perfectly safe. The Sub may not know they are safe until the end of the Mind Game due to, say, a Blindfold.
In the Very Advanced BDSM world of Edge Play, the Mind Fuck can take on a whole new level and seriously push the Submissive to the Psychological Edge of what they can tolerate (staying barely just inside their Limits). As always we like to make it perfectly clear that Edge Play only works if BOTH people enjoy “Edge Play.” Fear Games, namely getting the Submissive to experience a sense of Fear or Trepidation based on the created illusion, are a kind of Edge Play Mind Game.
Caveat: Edge Play DOES NOT WORK if only one person is into it. Both people have to be “wired” for Edge Play Games. NEVER spring an Edge Play Game on someone (a Sub) who has not previously stated that they enjoy that extreme level of play!
A more calm and easy Mind Game that I personally enjoy often, can occur anytime my submissive is Blindfolded and I tell them about “the thing/s I am going to do to them.” This can include such small tricks as letting them feel a very heavy toy pushed lightly against their skin so they think the next impact is going to be crazy-intense, and then I tell them “On three…” and start counting “One…Two…” and say “Three!” loudly but instead of using the heavy toy I rub the spot with something soft like Rabbit Fur. Their body still tenses up when I say “Three!” and they are ready for some massive impact, but I “f*ck with” their Perception and it ends up being super-soft instead. This causes what is known in Psychology as a moment of Cognitive Dissonance where their mind and body are telling them two different things, and the intentional Confused state becomes a part of the shared enjoyment, usually creating a momentarily giddy sense of mirth. Quite fun! 🙂
Equally I could pull out something like an electrical toy that makes a sparking sound, and hold it several inches away from my submissive’s ear (she is still blindfolded) so she hears the sound and is expecting a forthcoming shock. I watch her body tense up from the sound, and then switch it up for almost anything more ordinary – a crop, fur, my hand, or even just a soft kiss – equally getting a similar “confused-but-fun” positive reaction, often even a giggle from the Sub. The overall result of these lesser Mind Games is generally going to be a playful sense of fun and trickery, mutually enjoyed by both. For the Dom the enjoyment is the ability to play with the submissive’s expectations, and for the submissive the enjoyment is the usual lack of control with an added kind of “joke” when they get tricked as well.
For more intense Edge Play games, the Mind F*ck is often more about the Adrenaline created by a stronger sense of Fear and Trepidation. We like to describe the specific kind of Fear found in a well-played Mind-F*ck Edge Game as “Roller-Coaster Fear.” Roller-Coaster Fear means that it is very much like that FUN FEAR that you get when you are on a Roller Coaster going up that first hill on the ride, the way the trepidation builds as you go up that first hill, getting stronger and stronger, and then there is practically an “orgasmic release” as you crest the hill and go zooming down the other side.
Roller-Coaster Fear is exactly like the kind of desired fear / trepidation / peril a Horror Movie fan enjoys. It’s the Fun Fear a Horror Film fan experiences when they very intentionally place themselves in the audience of a new Horror Film. They want to be scared and frightened in a titillated and even “tickled” sort of way, but they know they are perfectly safe. Again we call this “Roller-Coaster Fear” and it can be the goal of a well-crafted Fear-Based Edge Play Mind-F*ck.
For these much more intense Edge Play “Fear Games,” at The Crow Academy we have a SPECIAL SAFEWORD specifically for these situations. Our Special Safeword for Fear Games means “Hey I am enjoying the Game overall, but this is actually getting Too Scary or Too Intense for my Mind and if we keep going like this I am going to crack / freak out / etc.” The Special Safeword means “it’s getting past even the Edge of my Mind-Game Limits.” The GREAT thing about such a Special Safeword is that the Dominant can EASILY steer the Game into Less Intense territory without ever breaking the illusion, and safely bring the game back into mutually enjoyable territory quite quickly.
For example, I was engaged in a passionate scene one time where my submissive was heavily bound and blindfolded. It was a Role Play abduction scene as well, with the melodrama occurring “back at the factory” (we were, in fact, in a hotel room). The game at that point had some fun Role Play dialogue between the two of us. Now I have ten years of professional theater under my belt, so when I play a villain I can be quite convincing! At a certain point, my Role simply started to get genuinely scary for my beloved submissive, and she used the Special Safeword. That was all she had to do. Immediately I simply Changed The Narrative, and my otherwise “scary” character – without even breaking the stride of my monologue – started talking to my helpless damsel about how beautiful she was and how perhaps I would steal her away for myself because “the big boss” was too evil whereas I would take care of her, etc etc, all the while starting to kiss her on various parts of her body. The net result was that the Role Play continued without even a pause, but she visibly relaxed and resumed her full enjoyment of the Game. Think of it like Steering A Ship, where the intense and scary game felt like we were sailing into a massive and dangerous storm, but once the Special Safeword was used I merely turned the rudder away from the storm…. and we kept sailing smoothly and had a great time.
Mind Games, aka Mind F*cks, are not for everyone. Some people just want their BDSM, bondage, etc served up very straight-forwardly, where the BDSM scene is just that, and the toys are used as expected. Straight-forward BDSM is always a perfectly good way to play. 🙂
If however you are both inclined to explore Mind Games, it is useful to have a mini-negotiation on what the two of you want in this specific realm, what is expected, and where you think unique Mind-Game-Limits might be put in place. Much like an actual Roller-Coaster, you may find that once you have “ridden” that ride – that Mind Game – several times that it becomes less of an adrenaline-rush or less surprising, and you can always mutually agree to “turn up the heat” and make it one drop more scary or more intense. If this describes your experience we recommend small increments of increased intensity, testing those new waters one step at a time.
Basic Mind Games are quite easy to arrange, like the trick described above about what toy is expected vs what gets used. Edge Play Mind Games on the other hand, require knowing a lot more about what will make the particular Submissive react with Fear or Trepidation (meaning Roller-Coaster Fear). What will give them the sense of Peril or Fun Fear that will create that exceptional Mind-F*ck Game for them?
Again, it is All An Illusion, and the Submissive is NEVER actually in any real danger nor in the path of any actual harm. Each Submissive will be different in where their Mind Game Limits are, just as each person is different in standard Hard & Soft Limits. The submissive above in the game where I played a villain had softer Mind Game Limits. I had a different submissive who had a mind full of so many dark fantasies that it was almost impossible to exceed her Mind Game Limits and she was always up for more. The latter was a self-proclaimed Edge Player.
Click Here to read another Arcane Advice lesson about identifying your Hard & Soft Limits.
Click Here to Watch a Short Video on Identifying Your Limits on The Crow Academy YouTube Channel.
Like any other kind of BDSM Play, it is always wise to discuss the realm of Mind Games and Mind F*cks well in advance. For highly complex Mind Games it could take weeks of planning to pull off well. I once did a Mind Game that actually required the help of 4 other people “off-site” (they were not physically present when the game finally played out), and I spent 4 weeks making sure my off-screen associates all knew what they had to do. The end result was a magnificent melodrama that titillated both myself and my beautiful submissive to a whole new height of intellectual & imaginative ecstasy.
Above all, whether your Mind Games are light & playful or intense & scary, make certain you are playing on a level that will bring you both a great sense of joy – and quite possibly even achievement! – when the Game concludes. A great Mind Game can sometimes feel a bit like you just ran a marathon together versus the “jog” of a more standard BDSM scene. Some games can be repeated easily, while others will be more like one-shot jokes, where once the “punch line” is known it cannot be replayed the same way. Whichever avenue you explore, remember that Mind Games require a discussion beforehand (usually weeks before for the sake of surprise elements) of where you both feel comfortable starting. Nonetheless, when that Blindfold goes on…. maybe the Dom will start a Mind Game…. or maybe they won’t…. which can be a Mind Game in itself. 😉
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