Time To Rest Easy About Your Love Of BDSM

We often hear about Kinky Celebrities who are “out” about their kinky practices. Some are quite bold about the fact, while others hint at their participation. The subject of “being outed” is still a hot-button topic for many people who rightly feel that, other than yourself, no other person should ever inform anyone else about your BDSM proclivities. Well, I am here to tell you the Good News that you really can be a LOT more relaxed about your BDSM and your kinky nature. Let me explain why.

Of course there are still people who feel they have good reasons to keep their kinky interests in the closet. For example, a lot of politicians depend on the public seeing a pristine image of them and fear their kinky interests would stain that image. You would mainly find this amongst candidates catering to a highly religious base, but also to mainstream masses who expect their politicians to (generally) be stainless. Hypocritical considering the modern kink-friendly landscape? Perhaps.

(* If you want to see a GREAT movie on this subject I highly recommend the comedy, “Preaching To The Perverted” written and directed by Stuart Urban – it’s a highly entertaining, fictional story all about the real-world hypocrisy of kinky UK politicians back in the early 90’s. *)

There are also celebrities who might enjoy Kink in their private lives but keep that knowledge very private as they too have an image they are propagating which makes them appear very sanitized. Pretty much any government job where knowledge of someone having a kinky nature might cause them to lose a promotion to someone else “for the sake of appearances” would fall into this category as well. Then there are those common people who are simply afraid that knowledge of their kinky proclivities will affect how they appear to others in an undesirable manner.

Appearances – that seems to be the common denominator.

All of the above are people who are highly concerned with how they are perceived, and who feel they would be judged negatively if knowledge of their Kink got out. As this still remains a big concern for some people here in 2024…. I am here to pose to you the question: Does it realistically still even have to be a big concern?

Sure if you fall into one of the celebrity or politician categories above you might still need to stay in the closet even in 2024.

But for pretty much anyone else I believe that hiding your kink in a “fearful” way is simply no longer necessary. I am not for a second suggesting you run into the streets shouting about your kink, but rather that you Put Away The Fear you may have surrounding the idea, and rest easy in the understanding that even if your neighbors find out it is VERY unlikely that you will have even the slightest negative repercussion.

Why?
Laugh if you will, but the answer is “50 Shades of Grey”
Yes I know how absurd that sounds. ;-D

We all know what a disaster “50 Shades of Grey” actually is, how it is loaded with wall-to-wall horribly inaccurate misinformation about the BDSM World, how it represents the BDSM Community extremely badly, and how no one should EVER use “50 Shades” as any kind of guide to BDSM.

Nonetheless, what the 50 Shades of Grey books and the movies did was Throw The Conversation WIDE OPEN. More than any other single influence in the last 20 years, “50 Shades of Grey” (hereafter 50SOG) got more people OPENLY talking – and fantasizing – about BDSM more than any other single source… and probably more than all other sources from the last 20 years combined!

Quick statistic for you:
Take this in…
1 out of every 37 literate adults over the age of 18 ON EARTH has obtained a copy of 50SOG
( “obtained” – we cannot guarantee they actually read it ).

1 out of every 37 adults on Earth…
This statistic is calculated based on UNESCO adult literacy rates around the globe cross referenced with the number of hardcopies of the book sold, the number of paid ebook downloads, and the number of illegal pirate copies that were also likely downloaded as well.

That number, 1 out of every 37 people “Aware” of 50SOG, does not even include the people who only saw the movies and did not obtain the book, so that number is an understatement regarding the number of people on earth AWARE of 50SOG! Walk down to your local shopping mall and count every 37th person…. that is the minimum of how common this exposure to BDSM has become. Higher literacy rates and better advertising in most Western Countries make that ratio go down dramatically…. 1 out of every 30…. 1 out of every 20….

But here’s the point:
Due to the 50SOG phenomenon, the “Taboo” element of BDSM has been massively reduced in a vast percentage of the population. These days if you leave a copy of the 50SOG book on the table of your local coffee shop while you sip your tea, you will quite possibly get an interesting conversation started on the subject, even with a random stranger! The conversations stemming from 50SOG cut right across the ages, from 18-80 years old. This topic amongst comfortable adults cuts across cultural divides, and can even cut across religious divides.

Back to the idea of “being outed about being into BDSM,” the biggest comparison to be made from the past would be to have been outed about being gay. They say that “BDSM Awareness” trails about 15 years behind LGBT Awareness. So lets set our clock to 2009, 15 years ago. By 2009 the Psychology community no longer classified Healthy and Consensual BDSM as any kind of disorder. NOW (the National Organization of Women) also accepted BDSM as perfectly healthy amongst consensual adults. By 2009 being gay was VASTLY more acceptable than it was in the 80’s and 90’s, and equally by 2009 BDSM was quite a popular theme for various clubs and events. You could even walk into a Vanilla club in Europe to see a whole BDSM cabaret show! So even in 2009 BDSM was pretty well accepted amongst those who cared to search it out, and titillating to those who did not yet participate. As soon as you throw in 50SOG and the first paperback publication in 2011, that previous BDSM acceptance of 2009 jumped MASSIVELY into the public eye….. and the gap between LGBT Awareness and BDSM Awareness closed to about half of what it was previously. 🙂

But above and beyond there was one HUGE difference between being outed as gay vs being outed for enjoying BDSM….
In the worst cases of someone outing someone else about LGBT it could have resulted in a Hate Crime due to uneducated, hostile, homophobic beliefs. But in the case of outing someone about BDSM there were Zero incidents of ANY harm being caused by Hate Crimes whatsoever. Yes “judgement” could get passed, and perhaps jokes made. But no one got beaten up or killed because they were into BDSM alone.

If you google “Prosecutions BDSM” you will see that extremely few cases based on BDSM were ever prosecuted, and in almost all cases there were the added elements of intoxication, malicious slander, and (sadly) non-consensual physical violence having nothing to do with the Art of BDSM as we enjoy it today. There were cases of angry spouses or relatives trying to break up a family by pointing fingers at BDSM activities, but almost none of these ever succeeded.
… and ALL of these were “PRE-50-Shades.”

Simply put, we now live in The POST-50-Shades-Era, and that is a monumental fact. Throughout history when an idea that was previously considered “taboo” successfully seeds itself into the common paradigm, that idea becomes FAR less taboo and eventually works its way into Common Acceptance…. and that is where we stand with BDSM here in 2024. 🙂

So when you find yourself feeling nervous about someone being outed for BDSM nowadays, ask yourself if your fears are still based in this decade…. or are you still holding onto outdated ideas and former “taboos” that have long since been transformed by becoming accepted, and in fact, utterly common? Heck, some people even RECOMMEND putting a a copy of 50SOG on your coffee table just to see if anyone wants to chat about it! 🙂

Above all, enjoy the fact that this is a New Era in which we live, whether you love or hate the 50 Shades Of Grey book. The few people who still need to keep their BDSM proclivities in the closet for whatever reason they might have are either living in fear, or they most likely have “political” motivations (including company politics when perception of an individual matters – see the opening paragraphs above). Please DO let these people enjoy their privacy, and never, ever “out” someone else. If you personally know someone who wants to keep their BDSM proclivities private and secret for ANY reason, YES you ABSOLUTELY should respect their wishes…. and you also never, ever have to tell ANYONE about your own desires.

But Take To Heart that you can at least RELAX about BDSM and let go of your fears. If the clerk at the checkout counter hears about your “tastes” from someone…. they are more likely to giggle about it than to be upset. They might even ask your opinion on the subject, or even ask for advice! I have personally had this happen, and I always answer with a smile.

This far wider acceptance of BDSM is simply the reality we live in today. Always seek to learn more, as BDSM most certainly IS an Art Form. Take classes and speak with others there. Enjoy and appreciate that our Post-50SOG world is a lighter, easier, and more fun place where you can hold your head high about your BDSM… and maybe even be called upon to help other’s learn as well. 🙂