At The Crow Academy we teach all levels of BDSM Play. From how to use the softest fur to the most intense cane, from floggers made of deer suede through thick buffalo hide, from a gentle spanking…. through knife play…. all the way to Fireplay, and pretty much everything in between. We teach about the thousand elements that can come into play for a fine BDSM scene, and how the process of creating a “perfect” scene is an alchemical – and unique – experience every time.
One of the main lessons we have personally witnessed again and again ourselves is how NO TWO PEOPLE have exactly the same thresholds. Everyone is different, and even an individual will have their personal thresholds change at different times of day or in different environments. Thus there needs to be a Clear, Concise, Fast Way for the Bottom to convey to the Top (or sub to the Dom – for the sake of this lesson we will refer to the receiving party as The Bottom and the giving party as The Top) when the situation is going well, going off-track, or needs to stop completely. For this exact purpose we – meaning everyone in the entire global BDSM Community – have the sublimely perfect tool known as Safewords.
The goal, as we teach here at The Crow Academy, is for every scene, every play session to leave both people feeling incredibly enriched, happy, blissful, connected, and even giddy (endorphins will do that). The ART of BDSM is about understanding the interplay of all the elements, both mental and physical, and navigating through to a passionately delicious experience where the two people arrive in this uniquely magical place together. A scene is never a haphazard activity, but rather a conscientious, crafted experience, and literally a “physical communication” between the two people.
SAFEWORDS, or Safe-Words, are BDSM’s Absolute Keys of Communication.
The proper use of a Safeword on the part of the Bottom (OR the Top as I will explain shortly) will insure that the course of a well-crafted scene continues in a smooth interplay through the beginning build up at the start of the scene, through the intense middle of the scene, and continues all the way through to the gentle “landing” and end of the scene. Some people have very specific Safewords that are unique to themselves.
Here at The Crow Academy we teach beginners that the good ol’ “Traffic Light System” works just fine – Red, Yellow, and Green. These three Safewords are used as follows, similar to the meaning of the same three colors of an actual Traffic Light. Best of all this is the singularly most widely recognized Safeword system around the world, and thus makes for a fantastic “default” set of Safewords, especially for beginners.
GREEN
Green means GO, that “everything is great!” Green can be used by the Bottom if they simply want their Top to know how much they are enjoying the current sensation. Green means, “everything is great, having a good time, full speed ahead.” The Green Safeword can also be spoken by the Top as a short, efficient question to the Bottom if the Top starts using a new toy that is dramatically more (or dramatically less) intense and the Top wants to be certain the different sensation is working for the Bottom. The Top might simply ask, “Green?” The Bottom would then respond accordingly with a nod of their head, a verbal reply, etc.
YELLOW
Yellow means SLOW DOWN, at least metaphorically. At The Crow Academy we consider Yellow to be The Most Important Safeword. Perfecting your use and understanding of Yellow means that when things do go “off-track” or a small problem arises, the situation is conveyed quickly and the Top has a chance to adjust the situation to get everything back to a “Green” state.
Yellow also has very wide application. It can be used when a toy is too intense such that it is wrecking the Bottom’s fundamental enjoyment of the scene. Play can be VERY intense for some people, but at a very basic level it should still be “enjoyed.” Yes, this can mean different things for different Bottoms… a masochistic Bottom, for example, will be more likely to enjoy very intense play, while a sensual Bottom will be more likely to enjoy the soft feel of rope or the like. Like we said at the start, everyone is different.
Yellow can also be used for a temporary physical issue, like a knee starting to ache, a weird knot of rope pressing in and causing “bad-pain” (as opposed to Pleasurable Intensity). It can even be used for a known minor medical issue that can be alleviated easily, like the need for an asthmatic to have a puff on their inhaler ++. In general Yellow indicates where a “LIMIT” is with the Bottom’s experience, and that this Limit is being reached.
FYI – for more on knowing what you LIMITS are, we HIGHLY RECOMMEND you read the Arcane Advice lesson, “Black Belts, White Belts, Hard Limits, Soft Limits”
++ = At The Crow Academy we have special, additional Safewords for unique circumstances, for example a medical issue that might commonly arise like asthma, a weak joint, a new piercing, etc. This unique Safeword, “Blue,” and others are detailed in our flagship book, “IGNITING THE FIRE: The Art of Romantic Submission” where you will find a world of instruction for Dominants & Submissives of All Levels. 🙂
RED
Red is the Ultimate ALL-STOP. Red is the giant brake-lever on the locomotive. When Either Party, the Bottom OR the Top, calls “RED” then the scene is Officially OVER. All the bondage comes off, and a discussion begins on why Red was called. Understand – and this is CRITICAL so pay attention – that calling “Red” is NOT A BAD THING.
Quite the opposite, calling Red if it is what is needed can Save A Partnership. Red merely means, “Hey this is not working for me Right Now; I don’t want to play anymore At This Time.” THAT’S ALL. I have personally – as a TOP – called “Red” more than all my play partners combined! Why? Because I used to do a lot of BDSM Performances at BDSM Dance clubs that were open to the public, and some nights the audience were a bunch of absolute jerks. After a few really rude catcalls or the like, I would lean over to my sub and lovingly whisper in her ear, “This audience does not deserve our scene so I am calling Red.” It was never an issue between the Bottom and I, and often we would just continue the scene or start a new one later on in private.
Other reasons Red could be called might be utter fatigue, an injured joint seriously acting up, running out of time for play, etc. So always look at a Red Call as a kind of Friend. When the Top shows Utter Respect for a Red Call from the Bottom, what the Top is communicating is, “Your well-being is the most important thing, and if you need to call Red then I know something serious must be going on, and that is just as much my priority as it is yours.” Of course ALL Safewords should be respected, but the both of you respecting a Red Call without question actually shows a genuine appreciation of each other, and a clear desire that both of you have a great time with your BDSM activities. 🙂
Beyond The Traffic Light System
When you get more and more proficient at your BDSM you might come up with other Safewords and signals for your specific needs. The full Crow Academy Safeword System has SEVEN safewords AND and entire hand-signal system for use Mid-Play, all detailed in “IGNITING THE FIRE: The Art of Romantic Submission,” all aimed at keeping 100% of your BDSM Play at a peak level of pure enjoyment. 🙂
Additionally, it is not uncommon for there to be a “breaking-in” period when a couple is brand new to Safewords. During this time every Safeword use should be discussed (though Green tends to be rather obvious) when used so that both people really get the knack of when and how a Safeword is appropriate. There is no down-side to any BDSM Couple perfecting their use and understanding of Safewords and Safe-Signals.
As one very long term slave of The Crow Academy wrote as a gift for others wanting to enjoy the experience of Bottoming and Submission, “Use your Safewords if you feel the need. Don’t forget to use them or try to be tough. Safewords help keep scenes enjoyable for everyone. Safewords are cherished keys of communication between the Dom and sub. After some time your Dom may know you so well you no longer need Safewords but if the need does arise, even years later, then go ahead and use a Safeword.”
In the meantime, the three Traffic Light System colors above are a great way to get started using a simple, easy-to-remember system of Safewords that many people will recognize and which have a well-proven degree of efficiency. As your BDSM skills and experiences grow together, you will have more and more blissful scene where no safewords are used at all, not even “Green” because the Top will know the Bottom’s thresholds and body language so clearly, and the Bottom will be able to release into complete trust in the Top. Fyi, that moment when the two of you experience Complete Trust in each other is worth its weight in diamonds and gold, and perhaps one of the most singularly beautiful experiences of all BDSM everywhere. 🙂
As a final note, if the Bottom / sub is gagged, we HIGHLY recommend a “Safe Song” that can easily be hummed through the gag to represent the YELLOW safeword. A Safe Song should be something VERY out-of-place so that there is no mistaking the Safe Song. For example, humming “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” again and again is so out-of-context that it becomes extremely obvious the Safe Song is being used. The Safe Song can be hummed when something is not working right about the scene, or something is out of whack, etc. If it’s a RED call then the Bottom keeps humming when the Top inquires appropriately, “Are you humming your Safe Song?” at which point if it is a YELLOW call then the Bottom / sub would acknowledge with a nod of the head or a clear “Mmm-Hmm” (yes); if it was actually a RED Safe Song then the Bottom / sub would Keep Humming until the Top re-inquires, “Are you calling RED?” and only then would the Bottom / sub acknowledge.
It’s also perfectly fine to have a Physical Safety Marker for certain kinds of intense play, such as having the sub hold a tennis ball in their hand which they drop for YELLOW. It can also indicate when the Bottom has gone DEEP into “Sub-Space,” meaning they are very buzzed on endorphins and losing muscle control, sort of like slightly passing out in a blissful state from all the endorphins you get from an amazing massage. Knowing this can help the Dom / Top adjust accordingly. This is also when the “Five Finger” Hand-Signal System of The Crow Academy comes in extremely handy (no pun intended).
In The Crow Academy’s first book, we also go into How To Signal During A Scene so that your play goes especially well. We teach what is called “The Five Finger System” of The Crow Academy, which allows outstanding communication between the Bottom and the Top while not in any way interfering with the Bottom’s bliss or the Top’s focus. It’s a wonderful tool to even further create perfect play sessions again and again.
Learn More About Igniting The Fire Here
Whichever Safeword system you use, make sure you talk about your preferred Safeword system BEFORE you ever start to play together! Make sure you are both on the same page. And above all, Have Fun! 🙂
— Master Arcane
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