Someone was asking, “What defines a Master, and how is that different from a Domme?”
My answer clarified that the opposite of Master is not Domme, and provides some insight into the powerful, nearly mathematical dynamic that defines a Master in the greatest sense of the word. I also clarified how the term “slave” plays into the definition, and make a distinction amongst the female equivalents to clear up a few misunderstandings.
Enjoy. 🙂
First and Foremost any “Dom/me,” the abbreviated term for “Dominant” in the BDSM / Fetish sense of the word, as we teach at The Crow Academy is someone who Accepts Responsibility for the Well-Being of their submissive. A “Master” according to The Crow Academy definition (as I teach it) is identified by the existence of an equally co-committed “slave” (1 or more). Likewise, one is not a “slave” per se’ without the concurrent existence of being Owned and Trained by a Master / Mistress. A “Master” without a slave can still hold the title if they are well-established in their skills by way of previous slaves. But a newbie Dom cannot call themselves a Master in any real sense of the word until they have Owned and Trained at least one actual “slave” (the term “Master” in this sense being equated much more with OWNER rather than “Expert,” though certainly some Masters are also Experts adding a very desirable and honorable double layer of meaning to the term).
Some people have strong emotions over the use of the word “Master” – I personally could care less if a newbie wants to call themselves Master DuckNoseSwordBunny all they want in an effort to tell the world that this is who they wish to be – I only pray that they understand the seriousness, commitment and above all RESPONSIBILITY of the world into which they wish to step.
That said, for one to genuinely be recognized as a real “Master” in my eyes, I would have to see them successfully Owning and Training a slave, and by success I mean where both parties are truly, mutually satisfied with the ongoing outcome of the Training, and that includes a DISTINCT show that the slave does NOT walk all over said “Master.” The slave’s behavior does not have to be flawless as long as I see the Master making solid effort to Advance the slave in ways He truly believes are viable and conducive to the evolution of both the slave and the M/s Relationship.
I will add that a slave’s behavior ALWAYS reflects on the Master. If you are a submissive reading this lesson then I urge you to read that last sentence again. If a slave is horribly behaved in public the first person I look to is the Master (and the Reverse is equally true – when I meet a slave who is immaculately behaved I immediately want to meet their Master/Trainer if I have not already). I also enforce this quite intensely with my own slave/s to make sure they understand that Excellent Slave Behavior is not only de facto at home, but also out in public in ANY MANNER even when we are in a less overt experience of our D/s Relationship, say at dinner with parents. If I find out that my slave has been unnecessarily rude to even a simple shop worker for no good reason I will treat it as if she was rude to my personal friend. In this manner she learns that her behavior is to be High Quality At All Times.
One does not have to be a Master to be a Dom – e.g. if one just has play partners and no real commitment to them. All Masters are Doms, but not all Doms are Masters. A Master desires to take the bond and the commitment of an M/s (D/s) Relationship to a deeper level, to take on one called “slave” with the express purpose of Training that slave, a task that is both hard work yet endlessly rewarding when the chemistry is finely-tuned. Likewise, for the sake of discussion, all slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves – being a slave takes a very deep commitment to their role vis-a-vis their Master, and brings with it a self-knowledge that borders on spiritual.
As far as what defines a Master vs a Domme (“Domme” being the Feminine of “Dom”), I have garnered the following definitions over decades of meeting hundreds of Female Dominants in the greater global BDSM Community, some merely as associates, others as close friends. As I have personally and repeatedly encountered, the female version of “Master” (a male Dom who lives the Lifestyle) best equates to the terms “Mistress” or “Madam” – it’s an equivalent epithet of sorts. “Lifestyle” means that in the Dom/me’s personal life they are having (or have had) a pervading D/s Relationship with a close submissive partner. The female terms “Domina” or “Domme” (interchangeable) when used in general discussion are simply opposite the male term “Dom” with the same rules withstanding – all Mistresses (as defined by Owning & Training slaves) are Dommes, but not all Dommes are Mistresses.
There is also a VERY salient distinction between a Lifestyle Domme and a Professional Domme (aka Dominatrix, etc) for which the male world does not really have a parallel (with exception in the extremely rare case of a Pro Male Dom). “Master” by The Crow Academy definition equates to the Lifestyle Mistress, while the Pro Domme who only sees clients for an hour but does NOT live the Lifestyle is using the term “Mistress” more as a title to define her professional role – definitely NOT the same thing as living the Lifestyle. Additionally, you occasionally find the terms “Goddess,” “Domina,” or “Domme” used as a prefix to the woman’s Dominatrix name, e.g. “Domina Belladonna,” in the world of the Professional Domme. Again both Professional & Lifestyle can be considered a Domme or Domina – that just means they are female Dominants.
And just fyi, the term “Domme” is French in origin, and the correct pronunciation sounds exactly the same as the word “Dom” – the latter two letters, “…me,” are effectively silent. The INCORRECT pronunciation, “Dom-may” is a complete butchering of the word and no such actual pronunciation exists outside of urban slang. If you REALLY want to pronounce it correctly, look up the correct French pronunciation of the word “Homme” with which it rhymes. 🙂
Here’s a link to hear the correct pronunciation:
— Arcane
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