A gentleman wrote to me asking all about the meaning and significance of the Slave Collar. He felt that the giving of the slave collar was a notable, even sacred event yet he equally felt that he was hearing and seeing collars being given out lightly all around him. My answer describes not only the different kinds of collars and how that may explain what he is seeing, but also the depth of the giving of a slave collar in particular. In addition, as he requested to get a slave’s voice on this one as well, I presented the question to a particularly eloquent and passionately deep submissive that I know, and included her reply at the end.
Enjoy.
(* Note: this is one of the topics I cover at length in the first book from The Crow Academy, “IGNITING THE FIRE: The Art of Romantic Submission” *)
While it is true that there are all kinds of collars, it is a greater truth that some collars are SIGNIFICANTLY more sacred than others. There are “Play” collars, there are “Walking” collars, there are “Pet” collars, there are collars for the various stages of a submissive-in-training, and there is the “Slave” collar.
I define a Play collar as a collar that the Dom already has in their collection of toys, and which gets used as a “submissive adornment” upon the neck of a relatively new submissive Play Partner the Dom is just starting to interact with.
Different Collars For Different Stages Of D/s
Before we go further, let me define the Three Stages of the submissive in my own style and school of D/s:
- 1st she is just a play partner – we are exploring each other for compatibility and there are no established committments in either direction…
- 2nd she may become my submissive – she begins training with me and I allow her to call me Master. At this point she does not train or play with anyone else without my explicit permission…
- 3rd. she may become my slave – this only happens after a significant amount of time has passed and I have evaluated the submissive to be ready to enter into the elegant and evolved life of full slavehood.
There is absolutely no set amount of time for any of these stages – they are all completely organic and based solely on the unique interaction between the submissive and myself. I have had a play partner go from submissive to slave in 6 weeks, and equally seen another take over a year before I felt she was ready for her slave collar. Not all play partners even want to become a submissive-in-training, and just because someone is a wonderful submissive it does not necessarily mean they are slave material.
The different kinds of collars (play, pet, walking, slave, etc) can be seen as markers of where, in my style of D/s, the submissive is at in this progression through the stages from play partner to slave. Thus the “Play” collar is used on a Play Partner. When the play partner becomes my submissive I will often purchase a collar specifically for her to mark the occasion, though this pretty collar will usually be off-the-rack.
I may even purchase a few of these off-the-rack collars for different occasions…
— one for a formal look (example: black leather with rhinestones)
— one for Pet / Animal play (example: a pretty kitty-cat collar with a name tag on the “O” ring perhaps)
— one for wearing out when we know its going to get dirty (example: a simple nylon collar purchased from a pet store so my submissive can wear her collar during some kind of sports activity)
— one for wearing at her work or job where only she and I know its a collar (example: any piece of jewelry that we deem the Walking Collar — can be a velvet choker, a beautiful necklace of bronze beads, a Tiffany’s style chain), etc.
ALL collars in The Crow Academy Style of D/s, with the exception of the Walking Collar, always have a “D” or “O” shaped ring at the throat where a leash can be attached, whether a leash is actively attached there or not. Only the Walking Collar – the one she might wear at work where only she and I know it is a collar at all, i.e. Walking Around in her daily life – is devoid of the usual signifying “D” or “O” shaped ring.
Next we come to the slave collar, and that is a whole other ballgame as they say. Your question is mainly concerning the slave collar, although I hope I may have helped explain why you see other collars being given out – they may have “lighter” meanings, they may be adornment for play, a gift to a “pet,” etc. Let me branch off here for a second before I dive into the beautiful world of the Slave Collar and its passionate significance.
Prior to receiving the formal collar of acceptance as the Master’s slave, there are styles of D/s out there who have “ranks” of collars, sort of like the ranks of belts in Karate. The most common of these is called the Collar of Consideration. Although it appears this started as an East Coast U.S. trend, various schools of D/s seem to have picked up the idea, along with the concurrent idea that the Collar of Consideration should necessarily be blue or a bluish tint. I have also seen and heard of variations on this idea where a submissive is effectively given a simpler Collar of Consideration – personal but not necessarily blue and certainly not expensive – and then as time goes on the collars get fancier and fancier to mark her progress towards full acceptance as the Master’s slave.
In The Crow Academy Style of D/s we do not have a Collar of Consideration, but rather as I described above a variety of collars that serve various utilitarian purposes as the submissive trains with me in the hopes that one day I might find her ready to become my slave. Though these “submissive collars” might get somewhat fancier, as each serves an individual purpose, none are ever quite as powerful or meaningful as the slave collar. At The Crow Academy, the slave collar is a MASSIVE symbol of Connection & Devotion in both directions, and is never given lightly.
I will also add that the slave collar itself might go through a series of upgrades over the years. From a beautiful initial collar that is custom made from leather with unique markings on it for example, to collars of a forged / jewelry variety with my personal symbol upon it, all the way to beautiful pieces of BDSM jewelry – collars – made from stainless steel, silver, gold, or even platinum (I have seen such) set with small gemstones, crafted to celebrate slavehood. The latter might even be riveted into place and not removable without cutting it off. Needless to say the slave must be living a lifestyle where such a collar will not interfere / cause strife within her career or the nature of her job, etc. However, you’d be surprised at how well a cleverly designed custom slave collar can fit into most any situation. 😉
Offering A Slave Collar, Its Meaning, and Collaring Rituals
(including rituals of removal)
When a submissive is finally ready to take the step into the world of slavehood, it is certainly an occasion to celebrate. It means she has “attained,” that she has proven that she has the prerequisite integrity to begin at least the initial levels of becoming owned, of becoming property to her Master. The offering of a slave collar sometimes goes hand in hand with the signing of a slave contract, though not necessarily. Sometimes a contract may come before a collar, or vice-versa. Some Doms do not use contracts. In The Crow Academy Style, the slave contract is a very serious document that codifies the rules that both the Master and slave agree to follow. The slave contract (sometimes called a “Master-slave” contract) includes the prescripts which the slave swears to uphold, and the responsibility and oversight the Master swears to uphold.
The giving of a slave collar is a marker of a profound achievement between a Master and slave who elected to proceed to such a depth. However, without a concurrent slave contract it is more of an occasion of honor as opposed to an occasion of agreement. Adding the slave contract makes the same occasion not only a moment of honor, but also a passionate step in the D/s Relationship where the two are agreeing to uphold a very unique D/s way of life together in a far-reaching manner.
In either case, yes, the offering of the slave collar IS meant to be something extremely noteworthy. It is a symbol of deep commitment and acceptance between the Master and the slave, and a symbol of a passionate bond that is meant to be as impenetrable as steel. Often times the giving of a slave collar and / or a slave contract is made into quite a ceremonial event, with a personalized ritual, the witnessing of the ritual by friends and associates, and sometimes even a party afterwards to celebrate! 🙂
By looking at the pomp and circumstance associated with these overlapping occasions – the giving of a slave collar and the signing of a slave contract – it is easy to see why this could be viewed as being as sacred to the Fetish World as a vanilla marriage is to the vanilla world. There are a number of people who will openly tell you that the Fetish version is in fact MORE sacred. This perception is easy to understand, since the terms of a collaring or contract are so very clearly and personally thought out and spelled out, whereas the vanilla counterpart can be so run-of-the-mill as to be something you can buy in Las Vegas for $25 and an hour of your time. It is therefore a reasonable consideration to compare a slave collaring / contract signing to be as meaningful and as a well thought out as a deeply personalized vanilla marriage.
Therefore, yes, the official “collaring” of a SLAVE – and not just the giving of a play collar to a new play partner – IS a sacred event. Along with this sacred event equally comes a new level of seriousness, and the D/s relationship begins a newer journey on a higher level. Back to the karate belt metaphor, you can think of all the collars a submissive might receive PRIOR to the slave collar as all the belts PRIOR to the Black Belt (e.g white, yellow, purple, green, blue, red, etc found in many martial arts). When the submissive receives her slave collar it is as though she has been given her “1st-Degree Black Belt”….. and truly the new journey of the black belt submissive – the slave – begins. Just like in martial arts, the slave can begin to progress upwards to her 2nd-Degree Black Belt, 3rd-Degree Black Belt, etc. This is why her first slave collar will be unique and precious, though later slave collars may become intensely ornate and profoundly personalized as well.
There may come a time however, when a slave either repeatedly falls delinquent in her duties as a slave, or the Master and slave have lives moving in different directions, or normal life complications and circumstance make the life of Master & slave impossible to continue. As such it may become necessary to cut the slave collar. The cutting of a collar is an equally momentous event, and in truth it does not have to be a negative event at all. If done properly and with full ceremony, and necessarily in an environment where mutual respect between the Master and the slave is still intact, the cutting of a collar can be a celebration of another kind.
I had a slave for many years, fully collared, and indeed of a superior nature such that she most definitely earned all of her slave collars. There came a point however where my life path necessitated that I needed to move to another city and her family ties made it such that she could not leave the area. In addition, the separation of life paths was a reflection of how the two of us, though still full of love for each other, were really moving in two different directions in life. Thus (to make a long, long story very, very short) we both realized that it was time to cut her collar and part ways as Master and slave. We invited friends to the venue where her collar was to be cut, and we held a small ritual there centered around acknowledging all the fantastic times she and I had shared together, and equally acknowledging how the two of us had grown in numerous ways together. It was beautiful, there were tears all around, photos taken, and afterwards we all went out to dinner to celebrate what was effectively her return to the life of a non-slave. In this case, the cutting of the collar was massively symbolic of perhaps one of the greatest things two loving people can have when they must separate from each other: TRUE CLOSURE, alongside continued Genuine Respect and Appreciation for each other. It was magic.
However, the cutting of a collar is not always as beautifully handled as the scenario above. What I can say is that when that level of appreciation at the time of the collar cutting IS possible, I strongly believe that is the best way to handle such a situation. IF however, there is antagonism or strong negativity in the air, then it is less likely to play out as well as my own personal situation did as just described. Sometimes when a slave has simply done a number of things to sabotage the D/s, or has been seriously delinquent in her duties as a slave, effectively to the point where the Master has no more patience or time to spend on one who has no intention of living up to the title of slave, or terms of her contract, etc, he may choose to end the relationship. The most symbolic gesture of doing so is the cutting of her slave collar, a simple, final way of physically making it clear that the submissive is no longer going to receive the attention and time of the one she was calling Master. It is a grand release of the submissive back into whatever life path she chooses thereafter, whether that means a path into another area of BDSM, a vanilla path, a healthy path, or an unhealthy path. Once the collar is cut, the submissive is no longer the responsibility of the Dominant. The cutting of a collar is NEVER done lightly.
Whether the collar is cut in a celebration of the good moments as the two part ways with a smile, or whether the collar is cut as a symbol of the last straw being reached in the patience of the Dominant, either way it can be looked at as the Fetish version of divorce. Upon reflection, this further ratifies that idea that the original, blissful occasion of the giving of the slave collar is a kind of Fetish marriage. Like vanilla marriage and vanilla divorce, the rituals are as meaningful as the two wish to make it, and certainly worth making as meaningful as possible.
In The Words Of The Submissive
To finish, as you asked to hear how a submissive views the slave collar, you can read slave Daphne’s own words on the matter by CLICKING HERE.
In addition, I solicited the words of a deeply submissive and highly eloquent woman I know (not personally owned by me) who describes her own experience of the slave collar in words neither a Dominant nor a Master would be able to write (printed here with permission)…
“For me. personally, when I think about a slave collar… i think that a girl would beg it from her Master with all of her heart and soul, putting her self at His knees and offering her wrists up to be bound by Him.. knowing what it means to do so to become His property.
I feel very strongly about slave collars…
I believe that the slave collar is a symbol of many things… but i think that it is much like a wedding ring, because in the moment that the collar is closed the two have entered into an agreement…
one for the Master who agrees to take this property and mould it into what he sees within, to care for her, to love her, to support her as well as take her on that journy into her deeper sense of self…
one for the slave who agrees to love, honor, trust, respect, & obey her owner /Master…
to know that He will always have her best interest at heart…
to know that no matter what He will let no harm come to her…
to know that giving herself over to Him completely is ok… and that she will be safe…
It is essentially a Marriage of the two sides.
I guess i feel that a slave collar is a symbol of ownership and as a slave i personally crave that tangible sense of being able to touch my neck and know that it is owned.
There was a so-called “master” ( i use the term loosely) in my life at one point that thought that a collar was silly and stupid.
It literally broke my heart to hear him say that… and then he would always top it with, ‘and You will never get on from me’…
it was like ripping into my soul.
I guess if a man were a true Master he would know the significance of a collar to a slave… that is ownership.
Sometimes the simple brush of a slave’s fingers over her collar can center her to where she needs to be when the Master isn’t around to help her do that…
sometimes it is the key to making sure that the world is right…
being able to touch something that is given with such passion… is just …
I don’t think a slave collar can be given to a slave without some passion.
I run into girls who call themselves slaves… even online…
and then i say, ‘wow that is so great’…
and then they get mouthy and rude about their owner…
and I think WOW, I would never disgrace my Master in such a way…
to me to wear His collar… it is being part of him.
No matter where you go as a slave, who you are, or what you do it all goes back to representing Him.
You as a slave are ALWAYS an extention of Your Master, and if you want Him to have a good reputation you have to have good behavior.
The collar serves as a constant… even when Master isn’t around His presence always is…
To a slave the *click* if you will of the collar is such a freeing feeling
it is like you can finally let go
and put yourself in His hands
and say I am Yours Master
I am here to do your will and to be pleasing…
and a slave knows that no matter what the task that is asked, there is a lesson in it all…
and it started with the *click* of the slave collar.
The lesson begins when that collar closes and if your are a lucky girl it never ends.”
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