10 Key Qualities for an Exceptional Dominant

An excellent Dom buddy of mine wrote me to ask what I thought were the 10 Essential Qualities of a Fine Dom.  In my estimation, these are Ten Essential Traits that any existing or prospective Dom needs to appreciate.

These do not necessarily have to be fully developed qualities within the prospective Dom, but they should at the very least be qualities that any Dom, new or experienced, values and seeks to perfect as part of the Art of Domination in my honest opinion….

Enjoy.

The 10 Qualities…

1 ) RESPONSIBILITY

A Dom MUST appreciate the singular quality of RESPONSIBILITY above and beyond all other qualities.  This is because a Dom will be responsible for the Well-Being, Safety, Development, Conscientious Training, and Evolution of their submissive or slave, as well as the overall direction of the D/s Relationship.  I genuinely consider this The Make-Or-Break Quality of Domination.  If a person does not want to be Responsible for the well being of their submissive or slave, they should not be a Dom.

2 ) DILIGENCE

A Dom cannot be lazy in their responsibilities.  Diligence means:

• following through on a course of training
• paying attention to the evolution of the submissive
• calling a submissive’s bluff
• being unafraid to confront a submissive on any area where the submissive is being lazy
• continuously and conscientiously creating pathways for growth and evolution for the slave
• being unafraid to confront deep issues in a methodical and healthy manner to achieve resolution within a healthy D/s Relationship

Diligence means that as a person the Dominant is prepared to work on their own evolution at least twice as hard as they will ever work on their slave’s evolution.  As a Dom, being Diligent means pushing yourself to be The Best Dom That You Can Possibly Be.

3 ) ARTISTIC NATURE

What we as Dominants do IS very much An Art Form.  As such we need to approach D/s as something that is Creative, Fun, Inspiring, Playful, and above all, Something To Forever Perfect and Become Better. There is NO Upper Limit to how high a Dom can reach within themself or within their D/s Relationship to achieve Excellence.  There are ALWAYS new avenues to explore within BDSM and D/s, and new ways to improve ourselves as Dominants. 

“The Enemy of Art is EGO,” and as such it is Absolutely Imperative that a Dom seeking the Finest Levels of D/s must Abandon their Ego to take on the much higher reality of Seeking – and Attaining – The ART.  The Artistic Nature of the Dominant also entails understanding one’s own Sensitivity, the way a painter can see subtle variations in color and texture to sense where the next brush stroke must go, or the way a pianist can sense the exact degree of force or lightness each chord must have to create the perfect music.

4 ) KINDNESS

Although we may be strict as Dominants, in our hearts we must have a center of Kindness.  It is through kindness that we find the true desire to see our submissive Evolve and Grow into higher beings themselves.  Kindness tempers the incredible power we are given over our submissive and the intensity we are capable of using. Although we hold both the power of Mercy as well as the power of Severity, it is through a Kind Heart that we will truly attain that unique quality of beneficence that makes for a Fine Leader, which is who we must be to our submissive.

Never confuse Being Kind with being weak – Being Kind is a positive choice a Fine Dominant will make, fully embracing that choice and watching their D/s Garden flourish because of it. Even when the moment calls for Strictness, coming from a Kind Heart means the Dominant’s vision for the submissive remains centered on her overall well-being, evolution, and long-term happiness.

5 ) COMMUNICATORS

We have the responsibility as Dominants to be Excellent Communicators.  We must never depend on the submissive to be the one communicating the best during moments of conflict. In fact we must be Excellent at Communication – clearly expressing our thoughts, emotions, desires, fantasies, and feelings – such that We as Doms literally become the inspiration for the submissive to improve their own Communication Skills. As we say at The Crow Academy, “Seek Excellent Communication like it is The Holy Grail.”

6 ) LEVEL-HEADEDNESS

We may become angry at a submissive for any number of reasons, but it is our task to help the submissive understand where they transgressed and apply a delicately matched correction for the transgression.  We must remain Level-Headed so that our submissive’s correction is never too little and never too much.  We remain keenly aware of that fine line wherein we sense in our calm state the beauty of a correction that perfectly matches the transgression, while at the same time Bringing Understanding to the submissive regarding the nature of the transgression and how they can improve for the future. 

Level-Headedness also means seeing your submissive for Who They Are. It means respecting their limits and where they want to expand their limits, accurately perceiving their talents, and working with what you have been given in the initial form of your submissive.  You don’t throw citrus-tree food on a rose garden, and you don’t prune a tulip.  Level-Headedness allows a Dom to accurately perceive their submissive. It lets the Dom gauge, understand and respect the uniqueness of their submissive, and then work to apply the correct assortment of tools and techniques appropriate to that individual submissive.

7 ) A HAPPY NATURE

A happy Dom will bring about great joy in their life with their submissive.  This does not mean we cannot have bad days, but overall we must seek within ourselves a quality of life wherein we are generally happy, as this vibe will be passed along to our submissive, sometimes consciously, sometimes sub-consciously.  The result is that the submissive will reflect that happy nature, and greater harmony is achieved within a D/s household overall.

8 ) INNER STRENGTH

A Dominant who begins to train a desirable submissive may be tempted to “sell-out” and allow bad behavior in a submissive to whom they have become attached.  This is an event to be challenged from within the Dominant themself.  INNER STRENGTH means being able to maintain a margin of “professional distance” with a slave who exhibits bad behavior, if only to be able to gauge the situation more accurately.  INNER STRENGTH means applying the well-measured, appropriate correction no matter how much you feel fondly for your submissive.  If a Dominant makes the erroneous choice NOT to apply accurate correction for a transgression, the Dom is in fact then Failing The Submissive.  This is especially common in nervous, newer Dominants who fall in love with their submissive and then become afraid the love depends on being overly-permissive…. a gross error and obstacle for long-term, flourishing D/s. 

Love IS eminently beautiful. However, if the Dominant is TRUE to the very nature of Domination and the Responsibility they accepted when they took on the submissive, the Dominant MUST be able to stand back enough (the “professional distance”) to be diligent in their duties to train the submissive towards a higher state. Succumbing to any form of FEAR that the Dominant imagines might lose the slave or the slave’s love if the Dom holds themself up to their Responsibilities as a Dominant is a Complete Failure of the D/s process. Well-developed INNER STRENGTH in a Dominant prevents them from ever succumbing to such a fear, allowing love to flow and continue even when the Dominant must be strict. FEAR ceases to be part of the Loving Dominant’s equation – it no longer affects Good Choices made by way of all the other positive qualities in this lesson.

Of course we as Doms are welcome to be amenable to intelligent compromise when the compromise includes the Dominant’s genuine satisfaction of a lesson needing to be learned by the submissive. However, even then we will be upholding the qualities of Responsibility and Diligence regarding the role we accepted when we agreed to become this submissive’s Dominant. INNER STRENGTH allows the Dominant to be both stern, strict, and loving all at the same time.

9 ) KNOW THYSELF

A Dominant desiring Excellence must always seek to Know Themself, exactly as the Oracle of Delphi – the greatest sage of Ancient Greece – advised when asked to summarize all of her wisdom into a single sentence.  Her reply was “Know Thyself.” It is only by way of Knowing Ourselves that we can fairly claim a clear sense of direction for our submissive. It is by Knowing Ourselves that we will tap into our own Artistic Nature, and clearly envision our designs for our beloved submissive. In Knowing Ourselves we will best come to know what we truly need from our slave, and where we desire to train her. Knowing ourselves through ruthless self-examination brings forth our own character as a Dominant, and allows us to manifest our Dominance constructively, conscientiously, and creatively. It makes us an even better leader to our submissive. It is how we discover the Living Art of BDSM, wherein we express our creativity into vibrant elegance upon the canvas of our submissive.

10 ) HONOR

Honor means the ability to act in the best interest of more than oneself, as well as the ability to truly represent the quality of loyalty. This loyalty can come in many forms – to oneself, to “the tribe,” to your submissive, to your friends, to your family, etc – but in all cases it means acting in a way that is truly conducive to the health and well-being of those to whom you are loyal.  At times it may mean putting their needs above your own, and often it means putting quality time and energy into those to whom you are loyal. The quality of HONOR also gets carried with you into everyday life, such as simple politeness with strangers which is a good way to practice acting Honorably towards others. 

HONOR means being there for those to whom you are loyal. In regards to the submissive it means that you, the Dominant, will always act in a way that ultimately serves to protect, cherish, and celebrate your submissive, even when you must be strict.  You might take a submissive to extremes of the flesh, heights of the spirit, and the far reaches of where they ever thought their mind could go, but through it all you will insure that you never intentionally engage in any behavior that is meant to cause actual, real harm.  To honor your slave means to convey to your slave that they are under your protective wing to whatever degree you have clearly accepted in regards to their training and their evolution as your pet / property / servant, etc. As Dominants, we should seek to be living examples of HONOR, a quality that serves everyone well.

Copyright 2009 Arcane

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www.CrowAcademy.com