The Many Ways to Serve Your Dominant

A female submissive associate of mine wrote asking me if I could describe a few ways a submissive or slave can serve her Dominant. Rather than give literal examples as my reply, I ventured into describing the Essence of what it means to Serve, and extended that into an understanding of how to Create Your Own Best Ways to Serve your Dom. I touched upon a variety of key areas to consider, fundamental methods by which any submissive can find ways to serve any Dom. Above all, I emphasized that discovering new ways to Serve your Dom can be a distinctly fun and creative process.

Of course there are also various traditional methods and activities of Service, however while mentioning some of these I refer to them as examples and not so much as anything written in stone. My goal is to get any submissive to appreciate the traditions of Service-Oriented Submission, and to also enjoy the process of thinking up new and original ways to Serve. When a submissive puts her own original spin on a tradition to make it relevant to her own relationship while at the same time genuinely pleasing their Dom, then certainly this will add great energy to the D/s Dynamic shared between the two.

Enjoy.

Great Question.

There are certainly things that are “de facto” which I would expect from any slave….
• that they present themselves well and maintain good grooming
• that they adhere to the protocols & etiquette they have been taught
• that they take excellent care of their own body (which, as my slave, also means taking care of MY property…)
• that they are truthful
• that they are attentive when I need them to be so
• quite often, and especially if they live with me, a wide variety of secretarial / office / personal assistant skills
• and more.

Outside of these de facto items, service often comes down to the talents and skills of the submissive. I have had subs who absolutely had a “green thumb” and so they tended to my flower garden. Another sub LOVED to drive and was quite a safe driver so she became my chauffeur. Still another sub was a world-class chef, so despite my own love of cooking I let her turn the kitchen into her personal laboratory. Some slaves were pretty good at massage, others were trained to be better, and some just really lacked the talent or lacked arm & hand strength.

The flip side was how sometimes the reverse is true and must be taken into account. The chef was a horrible driver so I did all the driving when with her. The one with the green thumb was not as good a cook as me, so I did at least 50% of the cooking as I taught her cooking tricks. Sometimes a sub can be brought up to a skill level in an area in which they are not proficient, and sometimes not. There was almost no amount of driving instruction possible that was going to improve the driving skills of the chef such that she would ever make a chauffeur for me, etc.

If a slave lives with me, domestic duties also become de facto, e.g. cleaning the house, laundry, etc. Also included in this list – once I know the slave appreciates my personal tastes in terms of visual and olfactory perception – would be to do things to make the home environment more pleasant, like burning a scented candle or incense, arranging fresh or silk flowers to brighten a room, etc. Given would be preparing my coffee in the morning, and delightful submission in the bedroom naturally….

When taking on a new submissive, I have a “worksheet” of sorts that lists 20+ ways in which the submissive believes they can serve me based on their own self-knowledge, and I ask them to fill out this worksheet so I get a very clear idea of the areas in which they feel they will excel **. Of course this worksheet is merely for reference, and unless specifically negotiated ahead of time the Dom is not beholden to such a list. Nonetheless, it does help both people to understand where the slave perceives her own strengths to lay. It is extremely important for the Dom to design a curriculum where the activities are biased for the slave to achieve regular successes, and as such in my personal life I want the slave to be focusing on areas in which they feel they can do well. If I have an absolute need for them to become skilled in an area in which they are not as proficient, then it is my responsibility as the Dom to create a program of training to raise their skill in a manner that we both find palatable.

** = (This worksheet is available to Members in The Crow Academy Members Library as a free download).

It’s also critical for any Quality Dominant to respect the fact that there are some skills in which a given slave simply will never achieve great success. When this happens it is by far best for the Dom to respect that said course of training has effectively reached its natural peak, and for the couple to move on to cultivate other skills (given that said lacking-skill is not a Hard Limit / requirement for the Dom). The worksheet list includes things like,“”Domestic Service (e.g. house cleaning),” “Gardener,” “Chauffeur,” “Chef,” “Passion Slave,” and much more. Although I may well train a slave to do more than what they initially checked off, at least having such a list in the beginning tells me where they feel they can best get started. 🙂

Sometimes the reason for a course of training / service may not be immediately obvious. I insist that my personal slave goes to the gym, and sometimes I will have her carry a heavy grocery bag even though I could easily carry it. The hidden reason is that, like Wax-On from “THE KARATE KID,” I am actually training her to accompany me on my travels around the globe, to have the leg and back strength to go backpacking with me, the fitness level to keep up with me, etc. Note that this does not discount me from choosing to be “the gentleman” and carry a heavy bag, hold a door, etc, if I so choose. The difference is that while I adore politeness and good etiquette in general and like to be a living example of such to the woman from whom I will be expecting the same, I also acknowledge my own responsibility to help my slave grow. Or to put it more succinctly, while the gym is mandatory, if there are two heavy bags I could easily carry I may choose to give her one.

I always make sure the slave understands that Service To The Master is something I allow them; it is not simply their “right.” I am an extremely capable man, and there is not a single chore, errand or task that I cannot do myself or get a professional to do for me. Thus, I make sure each act of Service is also an Act Of Devotion, and keep it all understood as an over-arching element of our D/s Life. If an Act of Service can be kept fresh and “loving” then it will flow MUCH better in the D/s Household. If it just becomes a boring routine, then in my honest opinion steps should be taken to infuse the activity with a fresh energy directly related to D/s. It is the Master’s responsibility to make this happen, and doing so should not be complicated nor taxing. One of my favorite lessons for couples who train with me personally is to have the submissive bring the Dominant a glass of water. At first the brand new submissive typically will just get up, get the water, and hand it to the new Dom. Bit by bit, I have her repeat that same act but each time I add one more D/s element into the action. The second time she asks, “Master may I get you some water?” The third time she brings him the water and adds, “May I get you anything else Master?” The fourth time she kneels before him before presenting the glass of water… etc etc. Each time a D/s element is added, the action becomes more and more an Act of D/s Devotion. Even something as mundane as getting a glass of water can be transformed.

I also make sure that I personally never get lazy myself, so sometimes I will do one of the slave’s tasks just to keep myself on my feet (gardening, cooking, laundry, etc). I also respect my slave as my Teammate. While I am primarily the coach / captain of the team, she is there to assist me with “Divide & Conquer” strategies in daily life. If I have her doing office work for me that is more important than the time she would take to cook, then I will make the meal. In such a case, she is certainly doing her duty and serving me in the more important activities in the office to which I have assigned her, and given that I have nothing more important pending I can lighten the overall burden of O/our household by being the one to create something delicious for us to eat. You can take it to heart: a Dom and sub are a Team. The Dom, the “coach” or “captain of the team,” decides who does what and the relationship succeeds by way of mutual diligence.

Or as a number of Fine Doms like to say, “The submissive serves the Dom, the Dom commands and guides, and both the sub and the Dom serve the Relationship.” In the D/s Garden, both the Dom and the sub are Gardeners.