The Meaning Of Alpha Slave…

A submissive was asking me to help her understand the meaning of the term “Alpha slave.” Her confusion stemmed from the misperception that “Alpha” automatically denotes an entire hierarchy below the Alpha position, such as in Huxley’s ‘Alpha-Beta-Gamma-Delta-Epsilon’ (Brave New World), and she erroneously concluded that being Alpha automatically meant being part of a large D/s family. Her second misperception stemmed from the idea that being honored with the term “Alpha” also gave her rights to occasionally behave as “top dog” in a very vanilla fashion amidst, and in dramatic conflict with, the overriding D/s Context thus regularly throwing off the D/s balance within her relationship.

While choosing to be a part of a large D/s Family is certainly a stylistic choice a Dom or sub can make as they discover their own preferences amongst the varieties of ways to practice D/s, being called an “Alpha slave” does NOT necessarily denote the automatic inclusion of a populated hierarchy. Equally, “Alpha” will have separate meanings for the Dom versus the sub, and both meanings when understood in their own beautiful light do NOT come in conflict. The issues stem from confusing the Dominant versus submissive meanings of “Alpha” and the mistaken assumption that the term “Alpha” only holds a definition in light of the presence of multiple others.

In my answers to this submissive I attempted to shed light on a Far Deeper Beauty and Understanding of the full parameters of what it means to be an “Alpha slave.”

Enjoy.

You appear to have two basic misperceptions about what it means when your Master calls you his Alpha slave. One, that he necessarily is planning to create a harem with a hierarchy (you have shown me no current proof of this) and two, that the title of Alpha somehow equates with you having the right to continuously challenge him. I can understand why there is strife in your relationship.

Your most basic needs are understandable: You Want Security. You want to feel special, and you do not wish to have that feeling diluted. I have often explained to those who think multiple slaves is the only way to go that such a Dom had better have a heap of emotional stamina or a profound inner state of Zen, or else his (or her) energy is going to get diluted and all will be short-changed.

I think the core of your strife with your Master comes from several presuppositions on your end. To start, you have described the past year as being just the two of you, that there were no other slaves that he trained, and you described only a few instances of him even flogging another submissive who definitely was not a sister-slave to you but only a random friend at a BDSM event. To extrapolate this to mean that the term Alpha necessarily reflects his plans to become Master of a family of slaves seems more based on your fears than any actual fact. It is VERY possible that he is honoring you with the title Alpha as a way to tell you that he does in fact think of you VERY highly in his mind amongst women in general.

The term Alpha does not necessarily only take on meaning when there are Betas. Alpha can also mean “an exceptional specimen” without that context requiring the immediate presence of anything to compare it to. We all know the thought of describing someone as “having Alpha qualities” – namely leadership ability, good genes, a certain presence in person, often times a silent yet powerful effect on their surroundings, etc. Typically we assign this term to men and to Dominance. Yet an elegant submissive trained to perfection can also have a profound effect on a room full of people without saying a word. Through a healthy path of submission she will have learned levels of will power and presence-of-mind that can appear staggering to the undisciplined. She may well be quite the leader amongst her peers, having gained such a sublime degree of self-knowledge, and in a natural Zen that exudes from her self-confidence her mannerisms will absolutely have a distinguished presence about them. She is the Alpha slave, without any need for their to be anyone else around for her to be compared to.

This is not to say that Alpha slave cannot also be used in a literal hierarchy. Of course it can. But that is a less “spiritual” meaning of the term Alpha, a more purely physical use of the word Alpha strictly in relation to group dynamics. The two definitions are not mutually exclusive, but they ARE quite different. Best to think of the first definition as Spiritually Alpha (hereon SPA), and the second definition as Hierarchically Alpha (hereon HIA).

Consider the reality of lions and wolves. Wolves are famous for their hierarchical structure within the pack. The Alpha Male rules, the Alpha female is his privileged mate. All others in the pack come after them. The term Alpha applies as a definition of their being “exceptional specimens.” Yet wolves are well known for being monogamous creatures as well. The term Alpha with wolves is therefore closer to the Spiritual definition in terms of the Alpha male’s choice of mates (a female who is exceptional in his eyes), although it also definitely applies to the HIA definition at the same time. Lions also straddle the definitions. An Alpha Male lion will often have multiple females though one will be his Alpha female and she will lead the other females of the pride, second only to the Alpha male. At the same time, in some cases a lone male and a lone female lion may very well pair-bond in a manner that is effectively monogamous with the two of them becoming a hunting pair. In such a pair-bonding they are each other’s respective Alpha male and Alpha female, whether other female lions are present or not.

From what you have described, I STRONGLY suspect that your Master is using the term to mean SPA (Spiritually Alpha). I believe you have misinterpreted the word — which he is using to honor you with such an appreciation of your best qualities — by hearing his words to mean HIA (Hierarchically Alpha). You have described a great many enriching activities that he has done with you which in my opinion reflect a genuine level of devotion to you, and simultaneously from what you have described there has been a lack of any attempt on his part to literally create a second slave, hence my interpretation of his usage of the word to mean SPA. Although you and he did have what sounds like a successful and mutually enjoyable menage-a-trois and he has mentioned wanting to go there again, that is a FAR cry from investing his energy into the training of a second slave (q.v. the Arcane Advice lesson “Are You Monogamous Or Polyamorous – The Wrong Question”). A menage-a-trois is sharing a sweet piece of fruit together. Training a slave is constructing a beautiful sailboat by hand. There is no comparison between the two.

I would say the obvious thing we can conclude is that you have strong personal reservations with being HIA (Hierarchically Alpha). I am guessing this is because you fear how it might make you feel. To be honest, I am not one to give energy to fear, and personally when I am afraid of something I head straight at it until I pass through it. Of course my methods might not work for you, but what I am saying is: Why worry about it when it’s not even happening? It seems a great waste of your time and energy when the two of you could be using that time to have fun and get closer. The one menage-a-trois you had brought you closer, so obviously he was able to remain respectful with you after the fact. To be honest, it almost seems like you are starting to paralyze yourself with fear. You may want to take a very close look at this as you are describing the beginnings of harvesting Irrational Jealousy wherein you would be creating a feeling of there being conflict when there actually is none (q.v. the Arcane Advice lesson “The Virtue Of Rational Jealousy”).

As for the other issue, it appears you have ingested the Leader / Dominant definition of Alpha and are using this as an excuse to perceive yourself as your Master’s equal in the power-flow of D/s. That is about as off-course as you can possibly get. There is a name for what you have created by doing this: It’s called BEING VANILLA. Sorry to say this and maybe pop your bubble, and no offense intended, but that is what you are doing from the sound of it. Just because he has honored you by calling you Alpha from the SPA definition, it in no way is an invitation for you to suddenly perceive yourself as having the same “rights” that he does within the D/s Context. I am going to be blunt for the sake of getting to the heart of the matter so please bear with me and remember I am trying to help you see through to the other side of things. But here it is: If what you want is to have equal power and equal say in all things, then you are not suited to 24/7 D/s. It does not mean you cannot play and have great BDSM games and do a Collar-On relationship where you get into “the role” of being submissive for a few hours or a few days. In these latter cases certainly when the collar is off and the game ends you can demand all the equality you want from your partner, as he is only your “Dom” when you are in the game and / or when the collar in On.

However, 24/7 D/s, which is what you seem to desire, requires – no, IS BUILT UPON THE VERY FOUNDATION – that the submissive TAKES JOY at being the Dominant’s complement, TAKES JOY in the act of taking the Master’s commands and directives and using your own heart and soul to transform his words into acts of beauty. In a healthy D/s Relationship this should be incredibly fulfilling. The reality of this impeccable cycle of “energy & command” transforming into results is such that it is constructed from a deep TRUST that the two share. The submissive trusts that the Master will be wise and creative in his commands and that he will care for and protect the slave, and the Master trusts that his slave will be taking his energy and commands and placing them into action with a passionate sense of diligence and dependability. This is the VERY High Fidelity of the finely tuned Master and slave.

I would like to suggest that you return to your roots and the feelings you had when you and your Master first began to connect on a deep level. Recall the feelings of wanting to submit to this man, of trusting him to show you new wonders about yourself and your body, of being eager and hungry for more. I bet that when you recall these times clearly that you also recall feeling absolute joy in the role of submission and receiving his energy and his commands. To sum up my point, THAT is the same state of the Alpha slave. It is an exalted state, a joyous state. Do not allow negative thinking and fears to tear you away from this bliss, a bliss which is rightfully yours as your Master’s Alpha slave.

Therefore, being called his Alpha slave does NOT mean you are suddenly expected to argue in a vanilla fashion…. not if you intend to live a 24/7 D/s Relationship. The magic of the 24/7 comes in a beautiful adherence to the Protocols and Etiquette that pervade your daily life, even in the most common moments. The tiniest things all contain that very unique sense of CONNECTION that the two of you share as Master and slave. Even when completely invisible to an outside observer, the two of you can still smile at the wonderful electricity that flows between the two of you in a healthy 24/7.

So here is my advice:
1) When he calls you his Alpha slave, HEAR him calling you his SPIRITUAL Alpha. He is honoring you with those words.
2) Until the day actually comes that he announces he is taking on an additional slave for very real training, PUT TO REST YOUR FEARS that his use of the word Alpha in any way implies HIA (Hierarchical Alpha).
3) BEFORE any kind of insidious and irrational jealousy can take root and you find yourself imagining conflict – which I GUARANTEE that you will then straight-away manifest as very real arguments and strife – ASK HIM where he stands within the variety of ways to be Polyamorous (and READ THIS OTHER LESSON HERE on that subject so that you ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS!). Once you know where he stands, you will have VERY REAL information to work with. It will no longer be about fear, but instead be about assessing if his needs and desires will work with yours. If you have Hard Limits (q.v. the Arcane Advice lesson “Black Belts, White Belts, Hard Limits, Soft Limits…” which will help you identify your Hard Limits) be sure to express them….as your Master’s slave, i.e. with Good Etiquette.
4) If you want to be in a 24/7, drop the vanilla energy. Seriously. If you want the right to argue anytime because you feel he has empowered you to do so, then you are mistaken and you need to reassess if a 24/7 is right for you.
5) Yep, back to the basics: COMMUNICATION. Good Communication means LISTENING and not inserting your fears over what he says or does. It means expressing yourself CALMLY. It means KNOWING YOURSELF and being able to talk about your needs in a manner that EMPOWERS YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Acting in an automatically antagonistic way towards your Master because of your fears is the opposite of healthy communication. Good Communication means Acting Like A Team, seeking a Win-Win solution.

So again, go back to that magic place when you could not get enough of him, and see him through those eyes. If he truly has offended you in some way, talk about it calmly. It sounds to me like you still have very strong feelings for him. Don’t let your fears get in the way of that. He has called you his Alpha, and he is honoring you with those words.

All the best,
— Arcane

(ADDENDUM:
After I sent her my reply above, a short while passed and she wrote me back sending me a copy of the following letter that she sent to her Master. Although certainly in her own intense vocabulary aimed at helping her achieve a grasp on the matter, it is nonetheless beautiful to me to watch someone grow in their own understanding…)

Dear Arcane,
Thank you for helping me see things in a better light. This is what I now believe is what he means when he calls me his alpha slave:

Meaning of being an alpha slave:

First and foremost, alpha slave is a position of great honour. It is the highest position under her Captain.  She is the Master’s chosen 1st mate, she obeys Her Master and does not answer to anyone else’s orders except for His.  Because she is of the highest rank it is her responsibility to support and defend her Master. Together they form an exemplary team, a firmly established M/s couple. It is a strong bond between Master and alpha slave.

Within the lion kingdom there is usually 1 alpha male and 1 alpha female, being alpha makes them creatures of a superior nature.  Alpha is given preference to be the first to eat and the first to mate.  Other animals in the community are usually killed or ousted if they violate this rule.

Relating this back to the meaning of Alpha slave to the Master:

Her position is not to be questioned or messed with by anyone. She is protected cherished property of Her Master. It is a position which is earnt and her postion is highly respected by other females whom may enter their circle. In fact, it is a very high position which other females look up to and are inspired by.  When a selected female enters their circle she is welcomed but it is made clear that she is ranked below the Master’s choosen 1st mate. This must be respected and indifference towards the alpha slave is not tolerated. Knowing this, the alpha slave’s position is a place of security.

This is the meaning of being Master’s Alpha slave.

Looking back from a distance, the words I wrote which link to security between two people, between a Master and his beloved slave, are:
“great honour”
“highest position”
“Master’s chosen 1st mate”
“highest rank”
“together they form an exemplary team”
“firmly established”
“strong bond”
“superior nature”
“first to eat and first to mate”
“protected cherished property”
“highly respected”
“other female’s look up to and are inspired by”

I have attached below the dictionary meaning of security.  Alpha is a highly valued position of security.

se⋅cure
1. free from or not exposed to danger or harm; safe.
2. dependable; firm; not liable to fail, yield, become displaced, etc., as a support or a fastening:
3. affording safety, as a place
4. in safe custody or keeping:.
5. free from care; without anxiety: emotionally secure.
6. free from risk of loss; safe:
7. free from the risk of being intercepted or listened to by unauthorized persons:
8. free from fear, anxiety, or doubt.

Thank you again.