Many have heard the term, “Topping from the Bottom.” A variety of definitions have arisen in regards to this fairly straight-forward concept, but not all the definitions agree on When, Where, and How this term becomes an accurate description of what is occurring. Most people perceive this idea as completely negative, while others appear to find the idea palatable on very specific occasions, and with good reason. In this lesson we will explore the various definitions of “Topping from the Bottom,” and how – in fact – each definition contains a kernel of truth. It all depends on the context of what is happening to determine if the occurrence of “Topping from the Bottom” is positive or negative.
Enjoy.
Traditionally, “Topping from the Bottom” (hereafter TFTB) was used negatively to describe a situation of completely inappropriate behavior on the part of the Bottom or Submissive. Moments when the Bottom or Sub was acting in an unseemly commanding or demanding manner towards their Dominant or Top, who was the one in control as per their initial negotiation. It appeared in these moments as though the roles had been non-consensually reversed, and that the one self-described as the “Bottom” was suddenly expressing behaviors only appropriate to the “Top.” The apparent inappropriateness and non-consensual reversal of the expected BDSM Etiquette led to the creation of this term, building a derisive and negatively judgmental perception of this kind of behavior.
As years went on, the term “Topping from the Bottom” gained a sort of whimsical usage, and was occasionally used lightheartedly. For example, in the context of joking about how a completely well-meaning Submissive was asking for something absolutely reasonable and within the negotiation between themselves and their Dominant, someone might make a humorous comment with no harmful intent such as, “Oh… Topping From The Bottom are we?” This lighthearted perception of the concept led to various couples exploring whether or not there could possibly be a useful aspect to this sort of behavior. Over time it was revealed that depending on the very specific context of the Style of Domination & Submission in which the two engaged, and / or the uniqueness of the Negotiation between the two people, that “Topping From The Bottom” was not always as negative a behavior as people had come to expect in the larger BDSM Community.
There are basically four kinds of Topping From The Bottom:
- 1. Completely inappropriate demanding or commanding behavior from the Bottom or Submissive towards a Dominant or Top who has NOT agreed to nor ever expected to receive such antagonistic behaviors. This is the most common, negative perception of Topping From The Bottom, in which the behaviors tend to be devoid of any sort of good BDSM Etiquette and are generally seen as rude.
- 2. Lightly inappropriate expressions voiced by the Bottom or Submissive in the moment that go against the general BDSM Etiquette but are not intended to be any sort of seizure of power over the Dominant or Top. These can be both accidental or even intended for humor sake.
- 3. Absolutely consensual Topping From The Bottom, wherein the Dominant has completely agreed to take instruction from the Bottom or Submissive for very specific reasons, such as a New Dominant learning from a far more experienced Submissive. This kind of Topping From The Bottom occurs in a calm, non-confrontational manner because both people understand that there is a good reason and purpose behind this temporary role-reversal.
- 4. Completely Consensual, Highly Aggressive and quite Confrontational Topping From The Bottom on purpose for the sake of the very specific kink known as “Resistance Play.”
IMPORTANT: Regarding Phraseology and Kinds Of Statements:
In the English language there are two ways to phrase almost anything: As a DECLARATION or as a QUESTION.
- As a rule, the Dominant’s commands and instructions are going to be DECLARATIONS, which means they end in a Period ( . ).
- Requests from the Submissive on the other hand should generally be phrased as a QUESTION, and concurrently end in a Question Mark ( ? ).
The term for commands and instructions where their Is No Request is a “Declarative Statement” because the Dominant is declaring what is to happen next. Declarative Statements end in a Period, and usually with a downward inflection in tone.
Conversely, the term for questions and requests where there is an option to accept or reject (or otherwise answer the question) is an “Interrogative Statement.” Interrogative Statements always end with a Question Mark and a tendency towards an upwards inflection in tone.
At The Crow Academy we teach that the Dominant will generally be phrasing their instructions and commands as Declarative Statements, and that the Submissive’s needs and desires in the moment (post-negotiation) will most often be phrased as requests and asking for permissions, and thus be Interrogative Statements. In conversation within a BDSM moment, of course the Dominant can ask questions and the Submissive can answer with the appropriate information in a Declarative Statement of their current situation as appropriate to answering the Dom’s question respectfully, all fully within the D/s Etiquette. It goes without saying that casual conversation unrelated to BDSM would easily have both sides making both kinds of statements, e.g. when talking about favorite movies or foods, something unrelated to BDSM.
Onwards to a deeper exploration of The Four Kinds of Topping From The Bottom…
1. Non-Consensual & Completely Inappropriate
“Completely inappropriate demanding or commanding behavior from the Bottom or Submissive towards a Dominant or Top who has NOT agreed to nor ever expected to receive such antagonistic behaviors. This is the most common, negative perception of Topping From The Bottom, in which the behaviors tend to be devoid of any sort of good BDSM Etiquette and are generally seen as rude.”
This is what most people think of when they have a negative reaction to the idea of Topping From The Bottom. If this kind of TFTB happens, it usually arises from a lack of clearly defined boundaries appropriate to the Dominant / Top and Submissive / Bottom roles. It can also arise if the Dom / Top is lazy in their enforcement of any give rules, or too lackadaisical about their Dominance in general. The Sub / Bottom in such a case begins to see more and more leeway in their allowed behaviors. The restrictions on permitted activities, responses, and etiquette begin to blur, and the Sub / Bottom sees a chance to take advantage of those blurred lines. This sort of TFTB can also occur as a sort of “Acting Out” that transgresses the negotiated boundaries between the two, because for one reason or another the Sub / Bottom has erroneously decided that pre-negotiated boundaries on behavior and etiquette can readily be violated.
Given a great deal of time together with constant management and corrections of this TFTB behavior, this blurring of the lines tends to alleviate, and the likelihood of this kind of Topping From The Bottom tends to lessen. Boundaries might have been tested early on when the TFTB began, but when the Dom / Top reasserts those boundaries repeatedly and over time, the TFTB activity should dwindle… given cooperation from the Sub / Bottom. This correction and realigning back to Non-TFTB behavior becomes a component for healthy D/s Relationship longevity to takes hold again, by cooperation and agreeing more firmly to respect each other’s roles as initially stated and negotiated. Needless to say the Dom / Top must take the situation seriously and reinforce the Rules & Etiquette as it should be, as per their Initial Negotiation and any re-negotiations that might have occurred thereafter.
Example:
A Sub / Bottom is being flogged, but refuses to surrender to the artistry of the experienced Dom / Top, and instead behaves as though the Dom / Top is providing a service to the Sub / Bottom. You could say the Bottom is having a self-entitled moment, as they drop appropriate etiquette and start telling the Top what to do. Midway through the scene the Bottom starts telling the Skilled Top, “You’re flogging me too much on the left side…. I don’t like that flogger now, use a different one…. no swing that one harder… no not like that…. that’s terrible flogging… oh never mind just use a riding crop….I don’t like these cuffs and they don’t feel real so tie me up better….use the suede flogger… harder…no not like that….nevermind just use a paddle…” etc, which is generally extremely annoying to any experienced Top / Dom, and considered very bad BDSM Etiquette in most circles. All of this APART from the actual, negotiated signaling or Safewords. In other words, the Bottom is flat out just being “mouthy” in an attempt to Be The One In Control. If something was actually amiss, the correct behavior is of course using a Safeword or Mid-Scene Signaling (like the 5-Finger System from The Crow Academy).
Likewise, out of a scene, this kind of TFTB Sub will tell the Dominant what to do and how to do it. It is rarely phrased in a request, and usually devoid of etiquette. “You SHOULD do this kind of [XYZ] scene on me” or “Why don’t you ever give me [gifts / treats] after every scene? I was a great Bottom so I deserve it!”… in a demanding / commanding / confrontational tone. Needless to say this kind of Sub / Bottom is extremely unpopular with the High Etiquette crowd.
With all this in mind, it’s easy to see the error when, during a BDSM moment within negotiated etiquette, the Bottom begins making endless Declarative Statements spewing forth commands and instructions to the fully-in-role Dom / Top. It becomes grossly out of place, becoming wholly confrontational to Proper D/s Etiquette, and antagonistic to healthy D/s in general. This then, is the classic, undesired and wholly negative Topping From The Bottom that most people think of when they hear about TFTB.
2. Non-Consensual but Clearly Accidental or Humorous
“Lightly inappropriate expressions voiced by the Bottom or Submissive in the moment which go against the general BDSM Etiquette but are not intended to be any sort of seizure of power over the Dominant or Top. These can be both accidental or even intended for humor sake.”
It is simply human nature that in the middle of having a great time, we all now and then forget appropriate niceties. Polite behaviors might slip through the cracks in a moment of excitement, and a quick witticism jumps out of our mouths before we really think it through. So too can a completely well-meaning, generally well-behaved Sub / Bottom burst out with a statement that is something of a minor, accidental form of Topping From The Bottom.
You can trace such outbursts all the way back to most people’s childhoods, when the temperance of knowing what to say and saying it correctly could so easily get set aside for an excited outburst or inappropriate demand to our peers or elders. Likewise a Sub / Bottom in the throes of an ecstatically great scene might verbalize a desire incorrectly and out of congruence with the negotiated etiquette. It is not so much a case of anything intentional, as much as a passionate expression that escaped the lips of the Sub / Bottom ahead of them phrasing such in the appropriate etiquette.
These are the times when a Sub / Bottom might gleefully burst out saying, “Oh my god the ropes feel so good… Make Them Tighter!” (an actual example from my life, lol). Is it inappropriate within the etiquette for the Sub / Bottom to DEMAND like that? Of course it is. But here’s the thing… the Dom / Top knows it’s a blissful moment for the Sub / Bottom and recognizes that they are happily losing themselves in the moment. This is when a natural degree of “forgiveness” comes into play on the part of the Dom / Top, especially when the Dom knows this Sub really is quite well behaved overall. Unlike the problematic undesired kind of TFTB described above in #1, the Dom knows this is a momentary slip-up, and an accident. The Sub is easily called out about this slip-up without anyone getting upset about it, often in a manner such as, “Sorry dear, it almost sounded like you were Telling Me (The Dom) What To Do…. (insert humorous scowl on the Dom’s face)…. I am sure you meant to say Something Else, aye?” says the Dom with a smile. The Sub almost always realizes their error and quickly replies something to the effect of, “Sorry Sir! I meant to say if it pleases you could you make the ropes tighter because it feels so good like that?” or simply, “May I please have the bondage more snug Sir?” which becomes a request, an Interrogative Statement and not a demand, and therefore is no longer TFTB. The return to appropriate etiquette is usually easy and smooth, and the transgression momentary at best. And to be honest, it’s usually humorously embarrassing for a well behaved Submissive. The correct verbiage occurs and the two happily get on with their scene.
Another humorous version of TFTB like this can occur when the Sub / Bottom does it completely as a joke, knowing full well that it is inappropriate. To be clear, this is NOT an ongoing type of behavior. We are still talking about a generally well behaved Sub / Bottom, who simply thinks it would be funny to be a bit cheeky in the moment. A classic example in my own 24/7 D/s household would be when slave Daphne has cooked a great dinner and afterwards we decide to have ice cream bars for dessert, only to find that we have just one ice cream bar left. Slave Daphne might grab the ice cream bar and shout “Mine!” and clutch it to herself while stepping back and grinning at me. She knows full well that a simple command from me will have her handing me the ice cream bar, but she wanted to be cheeky even knowing that I would say we will share it. She knows there is a balanced, typical resolution that will be fair, but in that moment she thought it would be funny to pretend she was taking the whole ice cream for herself, and her goal was clearly to get me to laugh at her mock-impudence. A minute later the humorous moment has passed and we are happily sharing the ice cream. What makes the TFTB behavior in this case funny is that we both know that overall her D/s Etiquette is immaculate, so it’s almost a parody of herself at which we both can laugh.
3. Consensual and Well-Meaning
“Absolutely consensual Topping From The Bottom, wherein the Dominant has completely agreed to take instruction from the Bottom or Submissive for very specific reasons, such as a New Dominant learning from a far more experienced Submissive. This kind of Topping From The Bottom occurs in a calm, non-confrontational manner because both people understand that there is a good reason and purpose behind this temporary role-reversal.”
In this wide world of BDSM Dating, it is always a lovely experience when two people, a self-described Dom / Top and a self-described Sub / Bottom, find each other. They discover that as people they have enough in common for a nice start, and are happy to have found someone with a complementary nature. But what happens when it turns out the Sub / Bottom has vastly more experience than the Dom / Top?
While most people looking for a BDSM partner will state that they are looking for a certain level of newness or experience to match their own, sometimes two people just simply like each other and do not view the mismatched experience levels as a problem. Many a newer Submissive finds themselves seeking a Dominant with more experience, but sometimes the opposite happens. In remote areas the choice of partners might be slim, and so the two need to work with who they are.
In should be noted that at The Crow Academy we think it’s perfectly fine when both people in a couple are new and able to learn together through classes, mentors, and instructional videos and books. It’s a great way for a couple like this to establish wonderful new ways to connect with each other. Nonetheless, when the Sub / Bottom has vastly more experience it is not uncommon for the Sub / Bottom to take on a kind of “Teacher” mode regardless of the fact that they are the ones tied up or being flogged or kneeling at their Dominant’s feet. This is in fact tremendously fortunate for the newer Dom / Top who lives some place where there might not be a great deal of resources and opportunities to advance their Dominant Skills.
The defining criteria of what makes this kind of Topping From The Bottom perfectly copacetic is that the Dom / Top appreciates the 100% instructional nature of the TFTB, but even more so the fact that even when TFTB the Sub / Bottom is clearly engaging in a proactive behavior that is friendly and seeks to improve the skills of their partner, who in turn appreciates the information being given. There is no animosity, no aggression, no competition between the two. It is also understood that aside from the instructional TFTB moments that the Sub / Bottom will adhere to good BDSM Etiquette as otherwise negotiated, because at their core that is what fulfills them. Thus, this kind of “instructional” Topping From The Bottom only occurs respectfully for the sake of the advancement of the Dom / Top’s Skills, and no further than that.
4. Consensual, Aggressive & Intentionally Confrontational as a Specific, Mutually-Appreciated Kink
“Completely Consensual, Highly Aggressive and quite Confrontational Topping From The Bottom on purpose for the sake of the very specific kink known as “Resistance Play” and concurrently any variation of Resistance Play such as ‘Brat Play.’ ”
To understand this final version of Topping From The Bottom, one has to examine one’s own tastes within BDSM and the world of Kink. We all have kinks we prefer. Most are quite common – like bondage or spanking – while many are very personal or even on the outer edges of the BDSM Bell Curve. In the middle of the BDSM Bell Curve you have flogging, blindfolds, ropes, leather restraints, ballgags, and whatnot that you most often hear about bringing joy to endless BDSM couples. To the left, Lighter Side, of the Bell Curve you have the velvet glove, feathers, and romantic Role Play. To the right, More Intense Side, of the Bell Curve you have electricity play, metal bondage, intense interrogation scenes, heavy caning, Edge Play, etc which are often too intense for an average Middle-Of-The-BDSM-Bell-Curve couple. As far as the individual, eclectic “mix” of what turns on any given kinkster, over the decades I have learned that No Two Kinksters Are Exactly Alike. Yes, most will practice the things in the middle of the BDSM Bell Curve, but for some they also enjoy / prefer Lighter practices, while others might equally enjoy and prefer the More Intense practices.
It should be said that no matter where you find yourselves on the BDSM Bell Curve, if it makes the two of you happy and contains good S.S.C. or R.A.C.K., etc, principles (q.v.), then the most important thing is that you Be Yourselves. Don’t let outsiders tell you that the two of you are “too light” or “too intense” as long as you have sensible Safety practices, accept personal Responsibility, have Good Communication, Negotiate properly, and are Honest with each other. The world of BDSM is vast and the kinks you enjoy safely might not be how your BDSM friends do it, and vice-versa…. and that’s A-OK. 🙂
CRITICAL:
When exploring out on the Right Side (More Intense) side of the BDSM Bell Curve, The One Single Mandatory Criteria is simply this: You MUST make sure that BOTH people Equally Enjoy Those Practices from their respective side of the D/s Coin. This can NEVER be assumed! It must have been Openly Stated during the Initial Negotiation.
A perfect example would be the Edge Play technique of FEAR GAMES. Some people LOVE these kinds of games. For the Dominant it takes a lot of work to set up the illusions that will produce the fear, which after the scene is what we call “Roller Coaster Fear” where you are enjoyably terrified but still want to ride the ride. These kinds of Fear Games CANNOT just be sprung on someone who is not “wired for it.” Imagine springing such a scene on someone who has plenty of trauma from their past and you can imagine just how extremely bad the disastrous outcome could be!
This is exactly why BOTH people need to have expressed a clear desire to participate in these kinds of scene BEFORE any such scene is ever enacted and experienced. And for the record it really goes both ways. A Right-Side of the Bell Curve, Edge Play-loving Submissive who goes to play with a much more moderate or “Left Side of the Bell Curve (Lighter) ” Dom / Top might get resentful of how endlessly “ordinary,” or to the Sub “mild,” the play ends up being. Suffice it to say that when it comes to the Right Side (More Intense) practices, BOTH people need to be on a similar level of appreciation of any given, specific Right Side practice, kink, or BDSM experience, and it needs to have been Openly Stated as part of the Negotiation BEFORE they go there.
Resistance Play: Aggressive TFTB At Its Best
This brings us to this extreme form of – ready for this? – Mutually Enjoyed Topping From The Bottom. Yes you read that right. To understand the context, know that there is a whole Specific Kink, just as specific as Edge Play, known as “Resistance Play.” Resistance Play is where the Dom / Top WANTS the Sub / Bottom to “fight back” within negotiated parameters, and the Sub / Bottom takes great pleasure being entirely unruly during the course of such a scene. Both have agreed that during Resistance Play the ordinary BDSM Etiquette that the two normally share in their day-to-day experiences gets set aside within the agreed-upon parameters. Outside the Resistance Play scene they might be exude perfect D/s Etiquette with each other, or they might revert to a mild D/s arrangement that suits their daily lives. Both clearly understand that there is a Time and a Place for Resistance Play. They know it is ABSOLUTELY NOT the basis of their core relationship. They know it is a scene, a kind of BDSM Play and a Specific Kink to be done during a time period set aside for such.
Nonetheless, when the Resistance Play starts…. well lets just say that I have watched couples who were seriously into Resistance Play have it turn quite Primal (another kind of Aggressive Play), and I’ve even seen Resistance Play Submissives spit right in the face of their Dominant during such a scene, call their Dominant awful names…. and watched the Dominant absolutely Get Off On It and Enjoy the heck out of such a scene! The Resistance Play Dom / Top of course turns the Submissive’s permitted derision and aggression right back into their own Dominant intensity and aggression which the Submissive then joyfully soaks up like a sponge.
As an outside observer it’s almost bizarre to watch this kind of “BDSM Energy-Sparring Match” grow into levels that absolutely makes any given audience step back, while at the same time all can CLEARLY see the huge grins and laughs on the part of BOTH the Resistance Play Dom and the Resistance Play Sub who love sharing this specific kink together. As you probably see by now this is why Resistance Play is out on the Right Side of the BDSM Bell Curve… it’s clearly not for everybody. And to answer your next question, yes I have even seen it get incredibly rough and aggressive… and watched those two end up turning that level of pre-negotiated mutual aggression into nearly having “jungle sex” right there! Ah, the amazing and vast world of kinks and the enormous spectrum of humanity. 🙂
The point of course here is that this is a FRINGE and Completely Acceptable version of Topping From The Bottom, where the TFTB activity occurs within set, 100% mutually agreed upon parameters at a specific time. It does NOT occur outside the scene, and again it is NOT the basis of their core relationship. It is a specific form of BDSM Play, a specific kink that both enjoy from their given roles.
The Often Misunderstood World of Brat Play
A lesser form of Resistance Play, perhaps not quite as far to the Right of the BDSM Bell Curve but still over in that direction, is the far-too-often misunderstood kink known as “Brat Play.” To start, when someone states, “I am a Brat” or “I am into Bratting / Brat Play” they are, again, stating a SPECIFIC KINK. It is not nor was ever intended to be the basis of a core relationship, and like many Right Side of the BDSM Bell Curve practices it ABSOLUTELY requires that BOTH people be 100% onboard with the kink from their respective side of the D/s coin. The Dom / Top could state, “I enjoy Brat Taming,” (Brat Taming / Brat Tamer is the Dom / Top specific counterpart to the submissive’s specific kink of being a Brat). This would be magic to the ears of the Sub / Bottom who told that Dom that they enjoy Bratting, and a good pairing. In some cases the Dom might even allow a mild amount of Bratty behavior within their household… as long as it stays humorous, fun and keeps within the negotiated boundaries of this specific kink.
Brat Play is lighter and more “catty,” as compared to full-on Resistance Play as described above. There is a teasing quality to it aimed at challenging the Dom / Top even though the Sub / Bottom knows they will always “lose” that challenge. Concurrently, Brat Play is essentially harmless, much less aggressive than the harder forms of Resistance Play, and tends to contain a joking “sticking my tongue out at you” lighthearted quality. It is a kind of fully-permitter Topping From The Bottom PROVIDED that both people are 100% into that specific kink.
If however the Dominant is NOT into “Brat Taming” and has not openly stated they accept and enjoy this kind of behavior, then there will be conflict. A High-Etiquette Dom who expects politeness and diligence from their Sub is not going to be happy with the pushback and pseudo-belligerence from a Sub who considers herself a Brat. Such things MUST be openly discussed as known kinks during the Initial Negotiation or else it’s going to be a bad match between the two.
To be clear, sometime in the mid 2010’s there arose a toxic, absolutely egregious misperception that being a “Brat” was the same as “a kind of Submissive / a kind of Submission.” Nothing could be further from the truth, and the error was in misconstruing a Specific Kink (Bratting) to be misperceived as an Entire Role (Submission / Submissive). To get the image in your head, imagine a Submissive telling you “I am a Floggy” meaning that ALL Submission meant to them was getting flogged, or “I am a Blindfoldy” meaning that the entirety of Submission for them was being Blindfolded… but STILL telling you initially that they identify “as a D/s Submissive.” You can see the error of that statement, being into one single kink yet erroneously and wholly inappropriately co-opting a term (Submissive) that has tremendously greater meaning, significance and implications.
The popular term “Rope Bottom” is a good example of the opposite, in that it properly expresses a specific kink and orientation. The term contains the meaning that such a person is NOT necessarily Submissive at all, but they simply love being tied up. Alternatively, someone who knows their love of being tied up and also knows they ARE a Submissive looking for D/s could state, “Submissive seeking a Dominant, and I enjoy bondage as one of my favorite ways to play.”
I could share endless stories of the number of failed attempts at D/s for self-proclaimed “All-Brats” because these non-submissives had been misinformed that “Bratting” was the same as being Submissive in general. They assumed all Dominants were automatically Brat Tamers who would be fine with this, unaware that Bratting & Brat Taming is a very, very Specific Kink that requires both people to enjoy that kink. These misinformed Brats assumed that “Bratting” was going to be the totality of how they lived and expressed their “Submission.” This was not any sort of proper D/s Submission at all, but rather a clear attempt to Top From The Bottom. These misinformed “All Brats” thought it was fine to talk back when they wanted to, deny commands from the Dominant, refuse to follow rules unless they felt like it… all on a daily basis. The key information that Bratting was a Specific Kink for a Specific Time and Place, a mutually consented-upon Bratting scene, had eluded them.
Eventually, by the late 2010’s it became far more understood that there was a Time & a Place for “Bratting,” and that anyone into this Specific Kink and form of Permitted Topping From The Bottom needed to find a complement who was equally into it from the other side of the D/s coin. Brats began looking for Dominants who openly stated they enjoyed such and considered themselves “Brat Tamers.” Self-acknowledged Brat Tamers began openly looking for Bottoms who enjoyed the light form of Resistance Play known as “Brat Play.” Completely aside from the specific kink of Bratting, the two would equally Negotiate the normal, day-to-day degrees of Domination and Submission that they expected and desired from the other. The result was MUCH happier D/s Couples who both clearly enjoyed Brat Play and who found someone with whom they could share this specific form of Topping From The Bottom… when such activity was permitted by the Dominant.
Before The Initial Negotiation: NO, it is NOT Topping From The Bottom
It should be noted that Topping From The Bottom can only occur AFTER terms and roles have been Negotiated. When two people are just meeting for the first few times and no specific acceptance of each other in a particular D/s role has been established yet, then a Submissive or Bottom explaining what they want to see happen in the forthcoming BDSM activity is NOT Topping From The Bottom. That is in fact merely the Sub / Bottom explaining their needs, boundaries, and Limits, a critical event for the healthy future of the BDSM couple.
It is perfectly fine in this new pair just getting to know each other for the Sub / Bottom to advocate for their needs and desires, just as it is equally important for the Dominant / Top to do the same. Prior to the conclusion of the Negotiation, both people are on Equal Ground, as the D/s interaction has not yet commenced. The playing field is level, and both have the responsibility to express what they need and want for a successful and mutually satisfying BDSM interaction.
Once roles have been established and accepted, and the Negotiation has been completed, only then can one make the claim of Topping From The Bottom should it occur as per the four definitions above. Prior to the completion of the Initial Negotiation and before the mutual agreement that the roles vis-a-vis each other have officially commenced, accusing the Bottom or Sub of Topping From The Bottom would be nonsense. And needless to say, if either person IS into some form of enjoyable, consensual TFTB it must be stated during the Initial Negotiation to ensure the other person enjoys the complementary side of that specific kink.
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