Stepping Back and Diving Deep
Part 3 of 3: The Call of Edge Play…

PART THREE of STEPPING BACK and DIVING DEEP (in 3 Parts).

A new and very well-meaning submissive wrote to me to describe a series of bad experiences she had with a particular so-called Dom who showed tremendous disrespect when it came to the submissive’s limits as well as being HONEST about his own situation.  Nonetheless, her own preference for INTENSITY began to translate the negative experience into a strange kind of fulfillment so strong that, due to a lack of fully understanding the nature of the forces within her, this new submissive found herself mysteriously wanting to go BACK to the same so-called Dom for a second encounter.

Like several other submissive’s I have heard from recently where the previous Dom either disrespected the submissive’s limits, acted in an exceedingly dishonorable manner, or in the lighter cases simply informed a submissive-to-be that he needed time to explore himself before he could take on a submissive, this particular new sub decided WISELY — if only temporarily — to STEP BACK from it all.  Like the others who wrote me, she began to feel a bit like a floundering fish-out-of-water, and decided to reach out to get advice on how to focus and channel all these powerful emotions and submissive desires she was feeling without repeating earlier mistakes.

Because of the dynamics of my answer and covering so many aspects, I have divided this ARCANE ADVICE into THREE PARTS:

— In Part 1, “Submissive Hiatus,” I presented a variety of ways for this submissive (and others) to stay focused on her own beautiful submissive heart while at the same time taking a kind of “submissive hiatus.”  As we explored into her expectations and desires, I suggested ways to focus her Fetish Nature (submission) WITHOUT her needing to dive into another D/s encounter just yet.
Click Here for Part 1

— In Part 2, “The Mirror and The Edge,” I dove much deeper into just what *MIGHT* make a submissive like this “tick” and examined exactly WHY she was / is drawn to such a level of INTENSITY, an answer which may have surprised you.
Click Here for Part 2

— In Part 3, the final chapter on this topic, I venture full-on into the reality of those who Play On The Edge…

Enjoy.

---

Part 3: The Call Of Edge Play

My final piece of advice is in regards to Edge Playing Doms.

There are newbie Doms, there are novice Doms, there are intermediate Doms, there are Truly Excellent, Advanced and Highly Experienced Doms…..
…. and APART from all of these there are Edge Playing Doms.  Just being advanced definitely does NOT make a Dom an Edge Player.  Edge Play is almost more of a stylistic choice, not a measure of chronology of the Dom or how well they swing a whip.

Edge Play requires a Whole New Level of FOCUS UPON DETAIL and Responsibility from the Dom.  Thats why a lot of Top-Notch, Amazing Doms out there will stop shy of Edge Play – its just too much forethought, and sometimes even a bit intimidating in the scope of preparation required to engage in Edge Play.  To be more plain about it, its just not a stylistic choice they wish to adopt.

Let me explain why Edge Play is such a rush to me personally.
When I craft a good Edge Game, I know a few things about my slave IN ADVANCE (before the game begins).  IF – and only IF – she is in fact an Edge Playing submissive (she has shown me that this is part of her submissive nature), then  I will ALREADY KNOW that…
— she loves INTENSITY
— she is ready to LET GO into whatever experience I create
— she enjoys being SURPRISED / SHOCKED
— she enjoys being FRIGHTENED (thought fear is not necessarily a component in every Edge Game)
— she wants to be PUSHED to her own limits by SOMEONE SHE TRUSTS
— she is ready to see what lays BEYOND her known Limits, whether that means Physical OR Mental, and above all she OPENLY DESIRES to go there (has communicated such to me directly in no uncertain terms).

All of this adds up to a portrait of a submissive who is “wired” for Edge Play.  The above six prerequisites definitely do NOT describe all submissives no matter how excellent a given slave may be in every other area.  In much the same way that not all Doms are into Edge Play (let alone capable of crafting a fine Edge Game), its equally a VERY BAD IDEA to run an Edge Game on a sub who is not “wired” for it!

Example:
FEAR based games can be a LOT of fun, and although the Edge Dom might design a game with a serious mind-fuck involved, the responses of an Edge sub vs. a NON-edge sub are VASTLY different!

In this example, the Edge Playing sub (a sub who has shown IN ADVANCE that they are “wired” for Edge Play) will be TITILLATED by the Fear (like riding a GREAT & SCARY Roller-Coaster), they will appreciate the complexity of the scene, and even if they are terrified at some point they will have that intrinsic spark deep inside where Trust-Meets-Desire so they can keep proceeding into the Edge Game.  When a well-played Edge game is over, both Edge Dom and Edge sub are smiling and even laughing at what happened, like giggling after getting off of the scariest roller-coaster you have ever ridden.  It leaves the Edge sub wanting MORE even if she needs a rest before the next “ride.”

The EXACT SAME GAME played on a NON-edge sub will usually end in DISASTER.  Trust will be BROKEN, not built.  Fear will overwhelm the NON-edge sub and stoke every cliche’ they have ever heard of why they should not participate in BDSM, etc.  The relationship could even conclude after such an experience, or be damaged severely for many months. The NON-edge sub will not only NOT want more, they will be thinking that perhaps they want None At All.

HUGE difference!!!  This is why a smart Edge Dom will never just spring an Edge Game on a new sub until he knows she is “wired for Edge play,” and why Edge Play is not something you leap into with a new Dom you do not know well (or who at least has a referral as to their skill, etc).  At the least you should know that the Dom IS Very Much a Qualified Edge Player who has done previous Edge Games.  I do not recommend being a Dom’s “first edge game” unless the two of you are VERY well-tuned and experimenting together equally.

To help understand how some subs are wired for Edge Play and many are not, you can compare it to people who LOVE Slasher Movies (Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, etc).  A lot of people might go see these movies, but how many people do you know who are serious FANS of these movies?  Who will go see every one and / or buy every DVD?  It is fair to suggest that such a fan gets a very tangible THRILL from these movies, a kind of unique adrenalin rush, of which they are extremely fond. Although these films might gross out or seem cheap to others, to the serious fan they are a viably POSITIVE experience.  Likewise, an Edge Playing sub gets a very unique POSITIVE rush or thrill from Edge Play, whereas the vast majority of NON-edge subs would NOT experience that rush in the same setting, and may even be dramatically Turned-Off by the same.

All that said, when an Edge Playing sub does know this about herself then its fine to keep an eye out for a Qualified Edge Playing Dom.

To be clear, Edge Play includes ANY AND EVERY PRACTICE that could be genuinely dangerous if the Edge-Dom fails to cover EVERY SINGLE PARAMETER OF SAFETY.  This includes both MENTAL Safety as well as the obvious Physical Safety.  Edge Play is ANY BDSM GAME that pushes a sub to ANY KIND of Edge – whether that is Physical Edge / Limit, a Mental Edge / Limit, an Emotional Edge / Limit, or even a Spiritual Edge / Limit.  A regular flogging is NOT Edge-Play.  Being tied to the bed for an hour is NOT Edge-Play.

Example:
A moderately common, often unrealized FANTASY of submissives is extended bondage, i.e. being tied up and watched-over / used for much longer than just an evening of lovemaking.  Needless to say, a Dom engaging in such a scene MUST be attentive to all manner of Safety Parameters including:
— hydration
— bathroom breaks
— blood circulation (a normal consideration in any bondage game, but taken to a CRITICALLY IMPORTANT level in the extended scene)
— blood sugar levels
— cramping of muscles
— safe pressure on any and all joints
— etc, etc, etc!!!!

When you are just tying up your lover for an hour, neither of you is likely to worry about things like blood sugar levels or bathroom breaks.  Of course bondage games require some normal safety considerations even in the lightest games (circulation, joint pressure, cramping, etc), but when taken to the level of Edge Play, those considerations amplify through the roof!!!

To explain better about the different kinds of Edge Play:
— Physical Edges include (but are not limited to) anything that puts intense pressure on the body, anything that comes in contact with the skin in a potentially harmful way (i.e. if Safety is not attended), anything that affects a normal process of the body in a way that is unusually and potentially dangerously limiting or potentially dangerously affecting that process.
— Mental Edges include any game that causes a distinct form of mental stress such that the submissive involved could potentially be pushed into an unstable state, even if only temporarily (i.e. taking a fear game too far).
— Emotional Edges include any game that plays upon the emotions of a submissive such that it potentially could equally push the sub into an unstable state, even if only temporarily (and to be honest, playing with emotions is SO tricky that it makes the other forms of Edge Play seem simple, which they absolutely are NOT!)
— Spiritual Edges include any form of Edge game that causes a submissive to question the basis of their belief system such that it could potentially cause an unstable state, even if only temporarily (i.e. playing an intensely mentally challenging version of a religious role-play).

But AGAIN… to be SURE… The Edge Playing Submissive has CLEARLY COMMUNICATED that they desire to be taken to these extremes. Equally, the Edge Dom is INVESTED in insuring that no matter how good the mind-fuck perception of danger or extreme activity may be on the part of the submissive, that IN FACT all possible SAFETY AVENUES are covered and accounted for, even if said Safety Parameter is invisible to the submissive for the sake of the Edge Playing illusion. NO EXCEPTIONS.

These are just simple explanations for a very complex topic, but they cover most types of Edge Game.  What you hopefully gleaned from the list above is that all of the above activities involve MASSIVE TRUST between the Edge Dom and the Edge sub on a deeply fundamental level, even if the peak of intensity in the Game overrides a conscious experience of trust, i.e. during a fear game or abduction scenario the sub is probably NOT thinking “gosh I love and trust my Dom so much” despite the fact that the Trust IS THERE on a VERY DEEP LEVEL or else the game could not possibly succeed.  Again this is why EDGE PLAY is RESERVED FOR EDGE PLAYERS!!!  This means BOTH the Dom and the sub.  There are 10,000 OTHER ways to play in BDSM, so do NOT presume that Edge Play is for if you do not feel drawn to it.  You do NOT need to push yourself to attend a Slasher Flick Marathon if what you really want to watch are Comedies.

What you hopefully also noticed in that list above is that every kind of activity involves some kind of —- VERY REAL DANGER —- …. or at least the PERCEPTION thereof (*wink*)….
See?  That’s part of the CRAFT of Edge games — giving the submissive the PERCEPTION of Danger or Extremity WITHOUT actually taking it to a dangerous level!

A Good Edge Game requires A LOT of forethought and planning.  VERY RARE is the Edge Game that can be just pulled out of a hat, and in fact quite a few Edge Games have a “surprise” or “punch line” of sorts that makes the whole experience particularly awesome in retrospect.  Once the sub “gets the joke” of that exact Edge Game then it can never be repeated on them.  This is because the “punch line” equates to knowing what the ILLUSION of danger was all about.  For example after your first abduction scene, your “fight or flight” response will kick in FAR LESS on a second similar scene, i.e. the thrill won’t be as great.  This is also why Edge Games do not comprise the usual palette of BDSM Play Experiences, as too high a frequency would produce a kind of psychological “tolerance” to the extreme play and make the games far less exciting.  Even when I have had a serious Edge Playing sub in my life I would say the actual, well-crafted Edge Games only occurred on occasion, with the vast majority of the relationship being happily full of more conventional kinds of BDSM Play.

The exceptions to this “rule of infrequency” are Edge Play Techniques where, once an Edge Dom and Edge sub recognize this quality in each other, these techniques CAN be pulled out mid-scene, or a normal BDSM scene can weave Edge Play Elements into the scene.

Edge Playing Doms understand and accept that they the Dom MUST BE ON TOP OF THE GAME AT ALL TIMES, 200%!!!  Being a DANGEROUS, CARELESS IDIOT is NOT Edge Play.  The world of Edge Play is VAST and can also include a wide variety of other areas – pretty much anything that pushes you to an Edge within yourself, be that forms of bondage, certain BDSM toys, extreme role playing, and much more.  ALL Edge Play is to be considered ADVANCED PLAY for Experienced Doms – this is definitely NOT the realm of beginners and amateurs.

My point in telling you all this is so that you understand the difference between a Fine Dom who may be very good at what they do vs. an Edge Playing Dom.  It is a stylistic choice of the Dom, and an acceptance of a whole ADDITIONAL level of responsibility, forethought, and focus on detail that some extremely good Doms simply do not care to adopt.  There is nothing wrong with a Great Dom who is not an Edge Player, and conversely you should ONLY explore Edge Play with a Dom who DOES accept that added level of RESPONSIBILITY, forethought, and focus on detail all of which are CRITICAL for Edge Play.  🙂

FUN RECOMMENDATION:
If you want to see what a MASSIVE and EXTREMELY COMPLEX, Psychological, Mind-Fuck style of EDGE GAME looks like, rent the 1997 movie “THE GAME” with Michael Douglas.  😉
Although the Edge Game in the movie is FAR too complex and expensive for most people to ever even remotely experience, lets just say that I HAVE personally played out complex Edge Games that involved as many as 6 outside assistants — all 100% unseen by the sub — to help SAFELY pull off the intended illusion.

I want to absolutely re-emphasize that there is Not A Single Edge Game Possible that can be done without the Edge Dom covering Every Possible Safety Issue.  For a so-called Edge Dom to run an Edge Game WITHOUT this extreme level of attention to Safety is just plain IDIOCY!  The Edge sub does not have to be conscious of all these safety parameters, and in many cases the ILLUSION of things being unsafe can be a very hot part of the Edge Game.

Bottom Line: after all is said and done, the ULTIMATE GOAL of the Edge Dom and the Edge sub is to be able to look into each other’s eyes, whole and safe, and simultaneously think and feel, “That was AMAZING!”

I will finish by repeating that Edge Play is NOT for everyone, anymore than anyone who enjoys jogging a few miles should be running an actual 40 kilometer marathon.  Either you are wired to run marathons and you seek out the proper training, or you stay perfectly happy and fit with a life of local, casual runs that keep you wonderfully strong and healthy.  Everyday (non-edge) BDSM activities and fine Formal D/s Training is and will always be the bread and butter of the vast majority of Dominants and Submissives, and the levels of mutual bliss and satisfaction to be found in these everyday levels is often EPIC in the fulfillment both parties experience.  If you do feel the call of Edge Play, then look into it Slowly and Wisely.  Equally, if you do NOT feel that call, then smile and rest assured that the Fetish / BDSM Universe still holds more non-edge wonders and delights than you can dream of, and your plate will still always be more full than you can ever imagine.  🙂

All the best,
— Arcane